Star

reading death is my bff rn and ugh guys. i love the characters sm but this slow burn bs is not for me. like it physically hurts to see both of them not see it. and theirs like 5 books in the series. i might have to drop it

i miss the time where we’d all be on here 24/7

WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYONE. 

sometimes the smut be so diabolical i gotta take a lap around my neighborhood 

Please read this. 
          
          So something big happened last night. almost 24 hours ago now. a boyfriend of my friends commited and things have been…craxy to say the least. 
          
          guys all jokes aside please if you are ever struggling let someone know. anyone. anyone at all. a friend a sibling a parent a stranger. anyone at all. please don’t stay quiet. you have a voice use it. seek help if you are at the point of commiting or self harming. we were all kids once. the world has failed us again and again but tomorrow will always come, and to the lost souls who departed quicker than they should’ve I say to you i’m sorry. I wish words could’ve saved you. I wish my words could’ve helped you. I wish i knew so i could’ve done something. 
          
          but help only comes to those who ask for it. so please ask. please try to ask. please don’t sit in silence and suffer. I’ve seen the world in a new light and it is beautiful. it is chaotic it is mesmerizing and it is worth exploration. we are young. we have the rest of our lives. but you have to be able to ask for help to see another sunset, another tomorrow, another spring, another valentine’s day, another birthday. another anything. 
          
          Please reach out to the people who want to help you. Please listen to me as a survivor of these things. 

i start loving myself and then get so comfortable and lazy and forget that mental illness doesn’t just go away bc u forgwt abt it. like for the past few months i’ve been in the worst condition of my life (other than quarintine) and I got so sloppy. I got happy with new friends and a new school year that i forgot that my life needs to be split equally between friends, family, mental health, and school. i’ve been focused on school so much that my mental like crashed and i fades with good friends and my family is like a mess all the time. 
          
          It’s just taken such a huge toll on me and today people i don’t even talk to asked me if i was alright bc my social battery was so dead and I was borderline having a mental break in the middle of our lil ethnic club(crying emoji) i was so surprised that others noticed bc i mean ik i looked a lil like annoyed or like j tired but 4 PEOPLE ??? like yeah i needed to come home. 

i don’t really talk to my mom bc i never really felt like she would understand my problems but lately i’ve been talking to her and i even told her what things are nothing me in school and my social life and she made me see myself and my worth. idk why i hated her sm before i feel so ungrateful bc this woman fr trying her best after moving genuine continents and trying to live a foreign life for my siblings and i. 
          
          Guys some parents don’t deserve it but if they are really trying. and i mean really trying, maybe try hearing them out. just maybe bc not everyone is good hearted. but try to be open atleast once to fr see where you stand with your people

i love the idea of love. of seeing love. i love love. even if it’s not me feeling it or like being loved i adore seeing other people b so in love w each other. idk if that’s weird but i’ve been lowk numb for the past few years and have j now started to fr feel and see people around meidk it’s j craxy how your mind and body and soul could attach like that

reading a book that was made in 2015 is god testing me. (i’m atheist)

Ok here we go !!
          
          
          ok so I have a bsf that I love and adore (A) but tell me why this ho3 is trying to tell me who I can and can not be friends with. he has a bf (J) that he’s obsessed with and like happy for them but like the bf got played by someone I use to be friends with (T) and like I don’t like T for personal reasons but he was all like “ur not talking to him at this party” like mf stfu. Obvi I won’t but idc if T played J, that’s not my issue like shut up. And there’s also someone (W) who I was like best friends with, like genuine BLOOD SISTERS that also went out with J and when I said “I’m so exited to see W at this party” A goes “please don’t do this, don’t do this to me” liek nigga hush. I’ve had it to here. Love ya but mmmmmmmm. 
          
          Anyways