Hey girly, I wanna start writing another Ninjago Jaya book but I want some feedback first from you, here is what I worte so far. Please let me know what I can fix and if you like me to make the whole book. Here it is:
Nya
The moment my dad, Ray raised my veil, kissed my cheek and handed me off to Ronin, I wanted to throw up.
No, First I wanted to punch my groom right in his greedy smile.
Then I wanted to vomit.
Instead, I took his arm and grinned back at him like a good bride.
The pastor was speaking, launching the air-sounding complicated talk about true love and stuff as my heart raced as I waited.
I swear I could feel four hundred pairs of eyes staring at my overheated wedding gown as I heard nothing but my pulse panicking through my veins.
Was he here already? Seating among the guests? Was he gonna barge through the door, yelling STOP?
Oh my FSM, what if he was a no-show?!
The photographer, standing on the right side, took a picture of my face while I listened to the pastor's love lies so I changed my lips to look like an excited bride.
“You look nervous,” Ronin whispered. I honestly don’t know how I stopped myself from punching him right there.
“Welcome loved ones,” The pastor said “We’re here today to celebrate the Wedding of Nya Smith and Ronin Bill.”
I felt my breath hitch as he kept yammering.
Oh please, oh please, oh please, I thought, panic tightening my chest. Every sentence the pastor said made me get more and more scared.
I'll finish writing the chapter in the book if you like it :) Please let me know!
