Wolfy8479
pretty random but how have you been doing?
NocturnalWolf18
NocturnalWolf18
//Confused about my perspective towards myself & life\\
Hi, this is more of a journal piece than anything else, but if you want to add to this, feel free.
Right now I'm very conflicted with how I am feeling. Due to a combination of changes in my life, I've gotten my stuff together & have experienced an increase in my overall good behavior. I'm less angry towards my parents, and have less stress to deal with when it comes to school.
Sounds healthy right? Well, I don't like it. I'm used to being addicted to stress, bottling up my feelings, having bad luck & a certain amount of dislike towards those around me. I know, it sounds toxic, but that's simply how I've lived my life for the last five years.
I got comfortable & really settled into that darkness. I actually miss being conflicted, crying, feeling guilt all the time and having stress. I don't like how calm things are, it doesn't feel natural or even good for me.
(1/2)
NocturnalWolf18
EDIT: Nvm, I'm pretty sure this all stems from my perfectionism & inferiority complex.
NocturnalWolf18
(4/2)
One more note, I also feel as though I don't have the right to relate to others downward spirals anymore. Like I'm a fake person because I'm not suffering. As if just the tiniest bit of suffering is what makes me a true person and without it I am normal...
...Normal...
NocturnalWolf18
(3/2)
I almost forgot, another bit of this is the desire to bring the paranoia back.
Once I realized I was less alert or concerned about others, I was genuinely startled.
Finally, I feel as though with my darkness (yes, it's repetitive) some of my creativity has also vanished. And that's the cruelest thing of all...
NocturnalWolf18
Mini Update:
My father was jokingly blaming me for something this afternoon, and me being an Ace Attorney fan who knows far too many memes, said the first thing that came to mind: "Objection, Your Honor. That's bullsh!t!"
My mother & pa laughed so hard. They don't even know much about A.A. (besides that it's piqued my interest), so they laughed even harder when I brought up an "Updated Autopsy Report"... I had to.
NocturnalWolf18
Turnabout Update, as per usual.
I've fallen in love with the Ace Attorney games and I'm slowly combing through them all. It's kind of funny, I got into them because of Vincent: Secret of Myers, but I'm not sure if anybody else noticed the little hints left in the game.
That's all, wish you folk well^^
NocturnalWolf18
Warning: Venting, as per usual.
Alright, so I put a lot of time and effort into a school-related portfolio but didn't have enough time to do the extra credit. I thought I did really well and I noticed the teacher gave me an extra ten marks. I was really proud, especially since I suck at this particular subject, and thought it was just because she was impressed with my work(other teachers have done this before). However, I was worried it was a grading error so I wrote her about it. Meanwhile, I let my kin know that I did really well on a heavy-duty assignment.
All of this was a mistake.
I just got word back today that it was indeed a mistake and that she changed my grade... I should be happy that I caught it, or maybe I'm just too selfish, but I was immediately unsatisfied with a simple "I appreciate your honesty" from my teacher. I felt horrible, I know this is my own reckoning, but...
I suppose there aren't many ways to put it into words, I feel cheated. Like despite me putting in the extra work, I'm still not good enough. And that my honesty was betrayed in some way. I got exactly what I wrote for, but now all I feel is that I am an undeserving liar and that I'm not worth it.
I regret being honest to a teacher for the first time in my life...
What a child.
Wolfy8479
@NocturnalWolf18 (also please ignore my spelling mistakes too, it was 7am and im very tired)
Wolfy8479
@NocturnalWolf18 its ok if this is the first thing i can here back as long as we know your still safe, im glad things have gotten better though and i hope it stays that way! i myselfs am doing fine, im just very tired recently and im still not good at much. bad writing is fine btw im bad at it too. social interaction is scary
NocturnalWolf18
@Wolfy8479 (Edit: My bad, I clearly haven't socialized in a while, so I apologize if I'm writing all over the place...)
NocturnalWolf18
Going back into my Batman/Joker phase.
NocturnalWolf18
The Joker & Dr. Krueger would be an absolutely wicked villain-duo.
NocturnalWolf18
HOLY SH!T, (WARNING BTW) I'M HAPPY TO SAY WITH FULL CONFIDENCE THAT VINCENT F"CKING EDGEWORTH ISN'T DEAD! NOR IS DRACO!!!! WOOOOWOWW
Needless to say: I am soo happy right now. Ngl, they caught us in the last half, but right at the end... thank god.
NocturnalWolf18
Just learned about the UCC & corporate America, a little distraught, but over all excited at the opportunities this presents^^
What a subtle modern-day distopia.
NocturnalWolf18
I know this is a bit personal, especially considering that the last negative post I put up was a few days ago, but I can not find a single real or fictional person I even like with the ISFJ mbti & they've become irredeemable to me. At this point, I don't even judge people based on their western zodiac anymore, because people have proven stereotypes wrong. But for the life of me, I can not find an ISFJ I like... I'm sure some of y'all are fabulous, but right now I can't find the positive members of your group.