Brightly-Colored Goth

- 223865
           You’ll love this meme @NocturnalWolf18, so funny hahaha click here to see it ↓:

Final Update: 
          I've left this post to inform any newcomers that this account is soon to become inactive indefinitely. I will leave my works here to be browsed, but they will not be updated, edited or have any other further work done as to their content. I will also be deleting any posts I have made that do not have another user's interactions, so as to clean up the space.
          
          I hope you all are thriving in this festive time, and enjoy the spooky season while it lasts. May you all have great luck and success in your future writing goals, and love of life <3

pretty random but how have you been doing?

Warning: Venting, as per usual.
          
          
          Alright, so I put a lot of time and effort into a school-related portfolio but didn't have enough time to do the extra credit. I thought I did really well and I noticed the teacher gave me an extra ten marks. I was really proud, especially since I suck at this particular subject, and thought it was just because she was impressed with my work(other teachers have done this before). However, I was worried it was a grading error so I wrote her about it. Meanwhile, I let my kin know that I did really well on a heavy-duty assignment.
          
          All of this was a mistake.
          
          I just got word back today that it was indeed a mistake and that she changed my grade... I should be happy that I caught it, or maybe I'm just too selfish, but I was immediately unsatisfied with a simple "I appreciate your honesty" from my teacher. I felt horrible, I know this is my own reckoning, but...
          
          I suppose there aren't many ways to put it into words, I feel cheated. Like despite me putting in the extra work, I'm still not good enough. And that my honesty was betrayed in some way. I got exactly what I wrote for, but now all I feel is that I am an undeserving liar and that I'm not worth it.
          
          I regret being honest to a teacher for the first time in my life...
          What a child.

//WARNING: Cussing, Spoilers for Vincent: Secret of Myers, Heartache & Potential Cringe//
          
          Holy f"ck, I just got hit w/a landslide of emotions by chapter four from Vincent: Secret of Myers. Sure, the lore was f"cking heart-breaking & the foreshadowing could've been seen by Jupiter's farthest moon, but I did not expect my heart to absolutely & utterly SHATTER, upon seeing the results of Vanora successfully outwitting Vincent.
               I mean WTF MAN?! As someone who has gone through similar sh!t, this hit me hard. I understand(& I dare say sympathize) w/the pain of molding yourself & personality to become devoted to your carrier, only for it to spin around & spit in your face just for reaching too close to the sun & gaining attention. 
                I understand what it's like to be abandoned & still hang onto the one godd@mn memory that's keeping you alive, to latch onto vengeance & horror because it's the only light you have in the dark, despite knowing it's the one leading you to drop into the abyss. I understand what it's like to be used & still deny reality. I understand what it's like to seek some semblance of normal life after everything's gone to sh!t & you still can't quite find your way home, still pretending. 
                I understand all of this & more that I can't name, but I made a deal w/myself to never regret the learning of knowledge, & yet this sh!t hit me so hard that I almost broke another promise. I mean... it's a godd@mn mirror, this f"cking character arc or whatever, is a perfect f"cking replica of the worst parts, the most difficult parts, the dormant parts, of all the bullsh!t that I've gone through! And you know what? A part of me still doesn't fully believe that I even deserve to be this f"cking emotional, that I shouldn't be worked up over my trauma because those around me haven't, wouldn't & never will F"CKING UNDERSTAND.
          
          THIS F"CKING VIDEO GAME UNDERSTANDS ME BETTER THAN MY OWN F"CKING FAMILY!!! WHAT THE H3LL IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!!
          
          
          ... I'm sorry.

WARNING: VENTING ABOUT INSIGNIFICANT/PETTY B"LLSH!T
          
          
          
          Okay, so my family has been running me over all f"cking day. I can't get a sentence through in this good d@mn house even when they ask for one! I can't say sh!t, I'm constantly being ignored or interrupted and it's pissing me off. Sorry, I should be saying " aggravating" 'cause they can't deal with me not being okay. 
          
          G0d, it reminds me of all the times I've tried to come out to my mother about my f"cked up mental health as the result of being in this vindictive "healthy" family. She f"cking gaslighted me and asked about my sleep. B!tch, my level of sleep does not cause you're or anyone else's behavior, you guys do you're own sh!t regardless of my consent All The F"cking TIME! 
          
          Anyways, my aunt(l love her but f"ck is she emotionally blind sometimes), asked for me to check if we've got newly dubbed episodes from AOT. I go to check, she hasn't left or even changed what she's doing. She's still chatting and texting on her phone in the middle of the living room.
          I wait until there's a break to let her(and my mom who happened to be in the room) know that we don't have knew episodes. She snaps and tells me not to talk to her. Like... what the f"ck?! Momma tells me she backs auntie and has to unpack. I understand, my mom's got stuff to do and didn't ask in the first place. 
          
          MY AUNT, is f"cking texting and says that she can't listen to a word I say and tells me to shape up my timing skills... she's TEXTING while she's supposed to be doing her night rescheme that she's currently putting behind.
          
          Note: she's texting her potential love interest who's honestly, been kind of a b!tch to her by the way. Has a bad history with going back to manipulative women and sh!t, not exactly strong, but is known for it. From what I've got, he craves attention and is most definitely a momma's boy(and not in the good way). So instead of wanting a brief answer from your niece that you claim you don't want to live without, you snap at 1/2

The conflict between Set and Horus (in Egyptian mythology) is confusing AF. If you're gay, great! That's fabulous! But why the lettuce, and why would being a top help you're case in court?

Accidentally outed myself to my teacher when she asked for my pronouns. 
          She was very accepting^^

Minor Update of No Real Use: 
          
          
          At this point my brain is soo stressed and overloaded I've changed the class folders of: H. English Lessons, French Versailles Portfolio & Algebra Sample Work
          
          Into all of these respectively: Three More Come On, French B!tch, Just Ask Already...
          
          I'm tired.

I live for the shenanigans of AltMal.