I think your different from what you say you are, I think your just a regular person who can just hide behind a screen and say that they are a badass, but you're not. You just want to be but you shouldn't be. You shouldn't hide behind a screen, you should just be true.
Just in case you need a reason to live. What keeps me going is the thought that the second I kill myself I go to hell. And it's a lot worse down there then up here.