Playground school bell rings again
Rain clouds come to play again
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to
Hello
If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken
Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide
Don't cry
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
Hello, I'm still here
All that's left of yesterday
So up until I was 8 I had an older sister who committed suicide. She overdosed during school and the school found her dead in the bathroom. I was in the same school as her (we went to a Unit school) and they didn't tell me that it was suicide until maybe 2 years ago. So when I was almost 14, I was always told that it was a freak accident. The only reason we knew it was a suicide was because I told them what her last words were to me.
They were, 'listen, if I don't ever see you again after today then know that I am happy and that it isn't your fault. It's everything, but your fault. I love you so, so, so, so much Andy. I promise that some day someone will love you more then I do. Don't listen to what people say okay, if they tell you mean things just point them in the way of a mirror. I love you much rasasat bilynjr. I'm going to go and join the Black Parade and be a proper Killjoy. Remember these words and think of me, Killjoys we make some noise.'
I never understood what she meant. Rasasat bilynjr means Bullet Bringer in Arabic. I really miss her and I was re reading her suicide note and just thought of that.