Samantha Winchester

Somebody please tell me how I’m better at a dead language than I am at the one I speak? I got a 73 on my English final and a 93 on my Latin final. That brings my grades to a 82 in English and an 87 in Latin. This doesn’t make sense.

A couple weeks ago, I went to a drill meet and there were Drill Instructors there. They had just finished DI School at Paris Island and they were mean. I was guidon and didn’t know what a billet was. A billet is a job you have in an area. Mine was guidon. The DI was yelling and screaming in my face and I was tearing up. When he finally left and moved onto the squad leader, I had a couple tears silently fall down my face. Then he moved onto another cadet and tears were streaming down my face, I was whimpering quietly, and my shoulders were shaking a lot. I had mascara down my face. The squad leader didn’t notice I was crying until the DI moved onto the other cadet and my shoulders were shaking. He was very nice about it and kept trying to make me feel better. Then I went home and did something I worked so hard not to do. I SH’d. When I told one of my closest friends, he looked disappointed but gave me a hug. It felt nice because he’s almost never around, but I felt safe. I felt like I was home again. He’s my rock even tho he doesn’t always answer. I wasn’t comfortable sharing this for a bit, but I feel like I am now.

For those who have been following my journey in my dads house, I am officially 18(!) as of Sunday and am with my mom. I do not feel like an adult, but a runaway teenager

It’s terrible how many times I’ve been reported to my senior naval science instructor, that now when I post something on my private story all of my friends joke I’m gonna get reported again even though I removed the person who reported me. Also, I just had to do Suicide prevention in class and I left right before we started. Was not going to be triggered at school again. I also lost my wallet for the fortieth time today, smh

It’s hard to believe I was a freshman in high school when we got the word that we were going on break for Covid. Well, now I’m a senior and my guidance counselor won’t let me switch to teachers that know and can accommodate how I learn to ensure I pass this year‍♀️ Wish me luck guys because I’m definitely gonna need it.

So I'm in Washington DC right now on a trip with my girl scout troop, and I was in charge of the Kapers chart which basically says what we're eating, when we're eating, who's making the meal, and who's doing dishes after. Well, with that information, tonight was hamburgers, hot dogs, baked beans and salad. So, I'm on kitchen duty with ONE friend and ONE adult, I'm cutting the carrots more because of a complaint from an adult and this SAME adult comes in the kitchen and goes "do we have any lettuce pulled apart for the burgers?" my friend turns to me and says my name. I look up because I didn't notice her asking a question and the adult goes "come on! You're in charge here you gotta get this done!" and PROCEEDS to pull apart lettuce!!!! I'm about done with this bs, so I finish the carrots and I grab my glasses off my face and just sit there for a moment. One of my leaders notices I'm upset, my eyes got a little lighter, and pulls me aside and we have a talk. My dumbass decides to start crying and making it kind of a big deal that one small think went wrong. It just felt like it was all on me to get it done because I put everything together, and my dumbass decided to basically have a mental breakdown in front of my leader over some stupid thing that happened in the kitchen. I can't believe it.

It's crazy to believe that sun burns can hurt so much. Like, why?! I went to the beach yesterday with friends and applied a lot of sunscreen a lot of times and STILL got burned. I've been crying half the night and woke up at 5 a.m because of hiw nuclear it hurts. It's up an down my arms, on my chest, and all over my back with a little on my face

After visiting my old gym that I did gymnastics in, I found I took a couple things for granted. One, my childhood sport. I started gymnastics when I was 3 years old and did it for 8 years. When I had to choose the sport I would stick with, I chose gymnastics. But the moment life got too hard, I threw it aside and treated it like garbage. I regret that now. Two, my body. My body was perfect when I was doing gymnastics, although it had bruises on it all the time from falling. Once I was rid of the burden I called gymnastics then, I let my good habits go. I ate a bunch of junk food and didn't exercise as much. I lost all respect for my body and my health when I lost gymnastics. The 6 pack of abs I had... I lost. I can't believe I was so stupid to let it go. I watched an 11 year old girl do the skills that I wasn't even doing at 11. She's a level 9, which means she's absolutely amazing. I watched girls that were the age I was or a little younger doing skills that I wanted to get to but never did. That hurts.

I've accepted my fate as the not so skinny, but not so fat girl that has asthma and can't truly run to save her life without an energy drink that sends her to the nurse shaking badly. The girl that keeps trying to lose weight but never can without stopping eating all together. The girl that is losing interest in things that used to make her so happy. The girl that wants to hurt herself but can't because her wardrobe doesn't allow it. The girl that wants it to end but every time she thinks about doing it, she thinks about her best friends (her sister, and friend she calls her brother) and can't do it. The girl that looks like everything's fine in the hallways at school. The girl that is fighting so many demons that Sam and Dean can't help.
          The
                 Girl
                        That
                                 Just
                                         Needs
                                                      A
                                                          Break
                                                                    For
                                                                          Once.

One thing I want more than anything is a big hug from Moose and Squirrel. Just smell their cologne and feel safe for once. This shit is tiring and I can't take it. What happened to be 5 years old, swinging on a swingset without a care in the damn world?