Ombrophiliac

Lou. I'm afraid I'll losing my dad. worst thing is, I have no shoulder to cry on.

Lluvia. next year I'll go to college andddd I think it sucks. I mean, you aren't here and everyone's going to do whatever they want and stuff....and bullshit. sighs. people were having fun with Christmas and I was like, I hate the celebration though. I just need a privacy and my time alone under the stars. that's just...amazing. with a cup of tea and trust me, in not really a fan of hot chocolate (my friend thought I'm weird tho, but its okay. as long as I'm aren't same, I'm proud of myself) and a pillow in the middle of the open field. I'm just going to state and awe and...breathless. hahaha but yeah, Lou, I'm pretty sure you're going for read this so just wanna tell that 'I love you'. its going to be a new year next week, right? wow, we're going to be 18....shit. oh whatever, let's just play 'the bottle game'. I know u still remember how to play it, Lou. good night, and I love you.

@Janeite93 youre welcome. and its an honor for u to actually followed me when ive done none, Jan ;) and yeah, I shall do whteva I want hahaha

Yes, lluvia. I hear you. It's raining outside like cats and dogs here. We should have a cup of tea together and dance like there's no tomorrow. Remind me again when was the last time we jokingly hitting on boys and have heels together? Oh, never mind. I'm just talking to myself. By the way, it's finals and there's a thought of our old friend who died in accident. She left us three years ago. I hope whoever used to bully her will feel the regrets and respects for the rest of their lives. I miss her. She's all lonely and independent. It would be nice if she could actually ask me to help her.

Lluvia. You say ”nothing will change if I die.” Yes, that is partly true. The earth will keep on orbiting the sun, the flowers will keep on growing, the wind will keep on blowing and time will keep on passing as fast as it’s passing now. You say ”there are 7 billion people in this world, it would be no big deal if I died.” Maybe, most of the world will not notice that you’re gone. Maybe your boyfriend will find another girlfriend. Maybe your mother will stop crying herself to sleep after months. Maybe your father will one day think it’s okay to move on. Maybe your friends will eventually stop visiting your grave. But he will never be able to replace you with her, she will always cry when your birthday comes, he will never have children again and they will always keep a special place in their heart just for you. So please, don’t think your suicide won’t make a difference in the world. Not all 7 billions of people will know, not all of those who are going to know, will care but the lives of the people who knew you including your classmates’ strangers’ who happened to know a little about you, your friends’, acquaintances’, your kins’, your parents’ your boyfriend’s, your girlfriend’s, even that girl’s that never liked you back, will never be the same again because even though you don’t see it now, you matter to so many people, more than you’ll ever know.

Im scared of making friends, Lluvia. I do know that you're long gone but yeah, people will sooner or later thought that im weird, too blunt and too honest. they want fakers or what, I just don't know. im tired of initiating conversations first and then I was left alone when they're happy with my words. im tired of making everyone feels okay when im not and worst, no one will be there when im desperately doomed. Im not a good listener and all, I do know that but im practically have tried so hard to blend with everyone. maybe I shud stop and kick their ass off. for now. hey, lluvia? am I crazy?

Dear Lluvia, ive made an account and  now im following ur wish to talk whatever I want in here since I didnt know how to use wattpad. thank you. I just want to cry and hit myself in the bathtub. whats the purpose? im tired of my life, no, no depression, just can I stay on top of the mountain and sing Elton John's songs 'cause nobody understands me and I dont understand them and the guys I like always ended up to be a Virgo or taken or gay and....oh, fuck my life.