T.W: don't read if you're in a bad space, mentally.
I've been trying and failing to write this message for over a year now and finally managed to do it.
So, here it goes...
Truth is, I am trapped. Physically. Emotionally. Financially. And in every sense of it.
After finishing my med school a few years ago, I was still struggling to get out of my post-COVID depression but I was hopeful. I had gotten a great offer from a surgery program where the chief surgeon himself handpicked me to be a part of his new team starting next fall.
But then both my parents got sick with covid and my dad barely managed to survive (he's still suffering from late-term effects of it) and when they begged me to come home, I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I booked a flight, packed all my life and returned home to my ultra-religious and extremely conservative family who are so homophobic that even in their darkest nightmares they can never imagine that I am queer (I don't think most of them even know what being queer is)
When you're living on your own, away from your family and everything, you tend to forget just what you were trying to escape. I, unfortunately, remembered that far too late and by the time I managed to breathe easy, I had lost far too much. Now, years later, I have no job, no money, no way to get away from this hellhole where I'm trapped. I never really trusted anyone enough to make friends who knew my truth and could help me here.
My depression is so bad that it has started to eat at my memory and most days I can't even remember what it was like to live in my skin and not care for anyone.
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