Trying out this new thing where I put all the Quotes/Plot ideas I wrote that made me double take just to make sure I wrote it. Just trying to get my life back, I've been losing myself for like 4+ years and I want to be motivated again. I like writing because I can just do whatever I want with it, it's all on the individual that's writing it, there are hundreds of words people can use to express themselves, and I like the idea that I can do that with words, not just choosing to write what I want or being able to choose how they go. It feels like it's the only thing I can call mine, and actually be proud of it because it all came from my mind. Even when I stopped writing a long time ago, I still feel that spark. I've been struggling with procrastinating and just with unhealthy coping mechanisms for so long, every time I am anxious I just don't want to think. I don't want to think about the future, so I set myself up for failure constantly. I want to get out of that, writing things down just to acknowledge them makes me anxious and overwhelmed because it forces me to face them, but it also helps me get out of the hole a bit more. I think this spark is the only thing keeping me from giving up on myself entirely. Tells me I'm not a total failure.
