Do you ever feel like- ah how do I say this? You spill your heart out while writing something to someone and you're crying and making sure that its perfect and you think it over and over again cuz you wanna give someone the perfect advice so you can make them feel better cuz you'll feel like its your fault if they fall into a deeper hole of depression and sadness but you don't know what's right. You spend all your time and effort and you just feel so sad for the person that going through so much and you hit send. They reply back with barely anything and it makes you feel so small and helpless and it makes you question everything and if you just said something that will make them super sad and you just don't know what to do. You can't do anything and you're scared to because you just KNOW that you'll message up something else cuz you always do and you just aren't helpful and no one needs you. You're surrounded by all these amazing people that make you feel good but you can never give back to them. You spend hours crying and venting and screaming in your pillow and you feel better, prepared. Prepared for it all to happen again. I just don't know anymore. I'm not helping anyone by being here, but I want to be here. I want to be one of those people that helps others and is perfectly fine with themselves but I can't be. I have to many feelings and emotions and its not possible. I don't know anymore.
