You know that day when everything goes wrong? And deep down, you now it's your fault? All of it? But your brain wants to blame anything else for it? And you cover yourself in self-pity so you don't have to face yourself? But you still have that rationality, that logic, that tells you that you shouldn't feel this way, to be grateful and not feel sad because so many people are having it way worse than you? Because you have a loving family and a warm home? And you want to die, but at the same time, you KNOW that it's just going to make things worse for everyone you love? You feel worthless, but you're painfully aware of how much you are worth to the ones closest to you? And in the end, you keep yourself alive, not for the sake of living, but only to spare others of grief?
Whew. I needed that out of my system. I know many people have it waaaaaay worse than I do, but... It still hurts.