@PlotHeartJoy 16,000 words is a lot for a single chapter, and while it's clear you’ve put a lot of effort into including detail, I think there’s a bit too much narration going on. There’s definitely room for improvement, and that’s not a bad thing—it means the potential is there
If your goal is to attract more readers and keep them coming back for more, here are a few tips :
1. Balance your language
Try mixing more casual terms into your narration alongside the formal ones. This helps with immersion. You want to appeal to all kinds of readers—not just the ones who enjoy heavy detail or formal writing. If the narration leans too much in one direction, you won't just risk—you definitely will lose readers who might otherwise enjoy your story
2. Chapter length matters—especially early on
For a first chapter or prologue, 6k–8k words is usually a good target. It gives readers a solid sample of your story without overwhelming them. Think of it as offering a taste instead of serving the entire meal all at once. You want to hook their interest and make them want to come back for more later, not leave them full and want to go home
3. Work on the cover
Right now, the cover feels a bit plain. You could enhance it by adding text or decorations—Canva is great for that. Think of your cover like a restaurant display : it needs to look appealing enough to stop people from scrolling and spark their curiosity
