PoisonEmbers

Fam I’m tweaking out astronomically oh my God I want so desperately to write again BUT I CAN NEVER FVCKING CONCENTRATE LONG ENOUGH TO FINISH WHAT I START. I read everyone else’s fanfictions and I ache at the thought that I have the ABILITY to follow in their footsteps but not the will. Whenever I read actual books, my entire chest hardens into obsidian; the hope of possible futures where I become a published author glint off the mineral faces in darts of light, materialising yet unpenetrating, tantalisingly out of reach. I want to write. I want to show the world that I can write. I want to be a safe space and a mystical haven and an exciting new adventure in a magical realm, for myself and for others, but I’ve been entirely trapped within my own procrastination ever since I started high school. Maybe that’s just what happens when you grow up: you sharpen your writing ability but your desire and motivation dwindle over the years until the stores are depleted and running on fumes. Maybe the trick is to keep writing in spite of it.
          	
          	It’s a strange kind of feeling. Almost like hiraeth. Every bone in my body pulls to the surface in incredible aching, my lungs stained with longing. It’s like I’m baptised in mourning, submerged in grief over what is only dead because it is not yet alive.

PoisonEmbers

This hasn’t changed unfortunately I’m still trying to write but it’s going very, very slowly
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anothergaylesbain

this message may be offensive
thank you for loving the books im slowly moving myself away from this account as im not the same person now as i was when i made it but i feel i need to act the same way now and its a bit draining for me lol. my writing styles changed a lot since but i cant seem to get motivation to write on this account anymore which is quite sad and i do feel bad for ppl that do like my work (for some reason). i also have some "memories" and ppl that know about this account that i just dont feel comfortable with having it if that make sense so im kinda distancing myself.
          
          i wont be taking down gius and ill probably republish the others bc i havent deleted them so dw about that (im attached to them even tho theyre kinda ass). 
          
          on a more positive note i do have another account which im writing for currently (my depressions been bad so ive only written 4 chapters from july till now lol) so im going to be working on that so ill.be active on that account but im moving away from this account bc its js not me anymore and i feel like im lying to my followers and myself through it.
          
          (ik that sounds a bit dramatic bc its js a wattpad account but its more to do with how ive js really really changed sicne 2023 and its js weird yk lol)
          
          sorry for the long ass message i js feel like as a stan(?) ypu deserve a full explanation. 
          
          im not going to delete the account or anything and ill continue to interact with it when i can but im focusing more on stuff to do with the "new" (its like half a year old LMAO) account and yeah.
          
          

anothergaylesbain

@PoisonEmbers i like dk how to reply to this bc im like terrible with words but js know this is very heartwarming to me and i love you twin.
            
            whenever you talk about the book it does change my mind ever so slightly bc i never thought of it like that and its like lowkey yeah it was ballsey to end it like that so i love tnat for me LMAO
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anothergaylesbain

@PoisonEmbers bro this made me smile so much never change ur so awesome 
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pananahthefirst

Girl im back again

PoisonEmbers

@pananahthefirst AHHH HEY SO SORRY I8M LATE
            That’s incredible wtf!!!! That sounds awesome!!!! I hope you’ve been doing well, having fun, and finding it amazing!!!! <3
            This year has been a rollercoaster for me LMAO I started university (Double degree Bachelor of Psychology and Bachelor of Arts majoring in English) and that was somehow equal parts wonderful and absolutely nuts,, I must have hit rock bottom at least once a month this year HAHA. Miserable and magical, to quote Taylor Swift. Hopefully I’m going part-time next year so that will be better for me.
            Thank you so much for asking and for reconnecting! I’m so sorry I never responded, I’ve been a MESS with messages this year (not just on Wattpad but everywhere). Merry early Christmas as well Pananah <3333
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pananahthefirst

Ive been good! I started helicopter pilot school a few months back! Howve you been????
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PoisonEmbers

@pananahthefirst HEYYYY!!! I’ve missed you!!!! How have you been? What have you been up to?! ❤️❤️❤️
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Kanairyxwrites

Giggling reading your new comments!

PoisonEmbers

@Kanairyxwrites oh I made more spelling errors than I thought, my bad
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PoisonEmbers

@Kanairyxwrites HELLO THAT’S SUCH A COMPLIMENT I’M SO FLAD YOURE NEJOYING THEM ❤️❤️❤️!!!!
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auroralovesfrogs

Hiiii thank you so much for adding my new book to ur reading list, it means a lot :))

PoisonEmbers

@auroralovesfrogs OH MY GOD SLAY?? GOOD ON YOU!!
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auroralovesfrogs

updates will be frequent btw bcs im actually writing this so fast lol, ive already written another 15 chapters ahead 
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