Hi SladeMCRX! Thanks for choosing to take a look at my story.
I read your story this morning and was very impressed. You have a lot of great elements in your writing. Good job on remembering one of, if not the most important rule of writing: “show don’t tell.” Strong descriptions help your reader more vividly visualize the story, which you did! It also only had a few minor spelling and grammatical errors. Writing with too many mistakes is hard to read, so I assume you really are reading back through your work and editing carefully.
Because I firmly believe in the power of honesty, I will also provide a bit of minor constructive criticism. As young writers we are still growing into our full potential. Whether or not you listen to this is totally up to you! However, I felt that I should give you an opportunity that might help you in the future. My first point would be taking a look at your sentence variation. When we write descriptively, our sentences tend to average out on the longer side. Try breaking it up! It never hurts to add a slightly shorter sentence. This is also helpful so you can avoid comma splices. My last point would be Helena’s introduction. If you ever revise your story, I might give her character a bit more time to breathe. As a reader, too many names or a lot of activity can be overwhelming. Since she is an important part of the story, you might spend a little more time on both her and Valerie’s introductions.
Other than that I only have compliments for both you and your writing! It can be scary putting your work out into the world. Continue pursuing writing and your passion. I have already seen great things in your work. Congratulations and keep it up!!! I will be anticipating your updates in the future ❤️❤️
~ Polaris65
@SladeMCRX
