PopSodaKid

For the few people I talk to on here, sorry I've been off for.. a bit, a tornado knocked out our power for a few days and it's been hectic :D

PopSodaKid

this message may be offensive
Bit of a vent/rant thing, don't read if you don't wanna hear it
          
          
          
          
          It sucks
          
          Getting so happy over something dumb like a movie
          
          And then suddenly it's fucking gone
          
          Why the hell can't I be happy for more than a few minutes?
          
          It's not even like someone ruined it for me or something it's like it just fades really quickly and I hate it
          
          I know I probably need therapy, maybe medication, people keep telling me that-
          
          But I really just wanna be able to be happy for a little while without it being like that
          
          And as soon as I notice I've been happier for a little bit longer than usual it fucking stops
          
          I want that feeling in my chest
          The swelling feeling
          Butterflies
          
          I want to keep that feeling
          I don't know how to describe it but it's so nice
          I don't want to let go of it
          
          I hate when it leaves and it never sticks around for long
          Why doesn't it?
          Why am I like this?
          
          I feel broken
          Surely everyone doesn't feel like this?
          Sounds like a pretty sad thing to feel
          Why can't I be normal and not all.. sad all the time? I don't even know if I have depression and I don't know if I'll ever know anyway, and it feels like I'm doing this for some sort of attention, some sick twisted way of making people pay attention to me even when I don't like attention.
          
          It's a sickening feeling. I want it to go away. I don't like feeling like I'm faking it. I think it's called impostor syndrome? I researched it once, but I may just be feeling sorry for myself and making excuses, I don't know. This whole thing sucks.
          
          It's almost 4 am and I just really needed to get this out but venting to people is so tiring, I feel like such a burden. I don't want people to worry about me, I don't want them having to think about how I feel or anything.
          
          
          Sorry about all that, don't have anywhere else to put it.

PopSodaKid

@PopSodaKid I may be bipolar, idk but I'm sure its some kind of personality disorder
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PopSodaKid

Y'all remember when you could use Wattpad without having to watch ads?
          
          And the news feed place where you could watch the ppl you followed not talk to you? Lol

Eruthehimbug

@PopSodaKid man, feels like some fantasy
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