this message may be offensive
Bit of a vent/rant thing, don't read if you don't wanna hear it
It sucks
Getting so happy over something dumb like a movie
And then suddenly it's fucking gone
Why the hell can't I be happy for more than a few minutes?
It's not even like someone ruined it for me or something it's like it just fades really quickly and I hate it
I know I probably need therapy, maybe medication, people keep telling me that-
But I really just wanna be able to be happy for a little while without it being like that
And as soon as I notice I've been happier for a little bit longer than usual it fucking stops
I want that feeling in my chest
The swelling feeling
Butterflies
I want to keep that feeling
I don't know how to describe it but it's so nice
I don't want to let go of it
I hate when it leaves and it never sticks around for long
Why doesn't it?
Why am I like this?
I feel broken
Surely everyone doesn't feel like this?
Sounds like a pretty sad thing to feel
Why can't I be normal and not all.. sad all the time? I don't even know if I have depression and I don't know if I'll ever know anyway, and it feels like I'm doing this for some sort of attention, some sick twisted way of making people pay attention to me even when I don't like attention.
It's a sickening feeling. I want it to go away. I don't like feeling like I'm faking it. I think it's called impostor syndrome? I researched it once, but I may just be feeling sorry for myself and making excuses, I don't know. This whole thing sucks.
It's almost 4 am and I just really needed to get this out but venting to people is so tiring, I feel like such a burden. I don't want people to worry about me, I don't want them having to think about how I feel or anything.
Sorry about all that, don't have anywhere else to put it.