PorkWithPotatoes

Human thoughts are curious. I feel like I'm writing out my life for people in the distant future to read, study and interpret. Though it won't happen, after all this isn't some cool scroll that will be found in my study centuries from now. It's for me to pretend I'm speaking with someone. Future me, I guess.
          
          I'm gonna tell you something embarassing. I feel in love, yay! Well, I don't think she's the girl for me, though I'd really love for that to be the case. We really clicked.
          
          For a brief moment, I felt truly understood.
          
          She seems like everything I ever needed in a partner. However, she also seems like the kind of girl to take a man's heart, tear it to shreds and place it back into his chest, all while whispering sweet nothings into his ear.
          
          I can't help but let it happen. I would love to have control over this but right now I can't even pretend to have control, I can't convince myself.
          
          This is pathetic. And the worst part? I'm still hoping for a happy end. It won't happen, I know that. Not in a thousand years. But I can't help it.
          
          Guess I've never truly been in love before, because this is rancid. I wish it would stop. I wish I were someone else.

I need to get that paper, you feel me? I need those benjamins yuno waddum sayin?
          
          There's lots of ways to get money. There's not lots of ways to get a lot of money. The more opportunities there are, the less opportunity there is. I don't know.
          
          Human society has been unfair since time unknown. In our modern era, where it's gotten as fair as it can realistically get (it can only get worse from here on out tbh), it is still impossible to make real progress, to get past the "paycheck to paycheck" lifestyle. Even hard workers and truly talented people need a pinch of luck or fate to make it big.
          
          Do I use this as an excuse to be lazy? Sometimes. But it really is discouraging, knowing that all your extra effort may amount to nothing in the end, so you just put in the minimum effort and keep yourself trapped in your own comfort zone, paycheck to paycheck.
          
          Man this was a horrible rant.

I feel so misunderstood these days. I want to be understood, which I never really wanted, or needed. I felt self-sustainable.
          
          Life, I guess.

I guess I started using this thing like a diary, just to get things off my chest. Maybe I should've just made a wattpad entry for venting but that's something that can be edited and changed. That's why this is better. It's raw, I guess.
          
          Life has been stale lately. There's little things to look forward to. There's always the little things; it's what keeps a man sane. Alas, life has been stale.
          
          I enjoy playing football. I enjoyed it. I tore my meniscus recently. I have to undergo knee surgery if I ever want to play again. Life without football sucks. One less little thing to look forward to. It was a big little thing.
          
          I started fishing again. I don't think there's any correlation between being torn from football and getting back into fishing. It just conveniently happened at a similar time. Still, I can't help but compare the two. Fishing is fun, I enjoy it. It's another little thing.
          
          Alas, football was a big little thing. The biggest of them all.

I've been struggling financially the past couple of weeks. It made me think about my deceased grandparents and all that they did back when I was a kid to make ends meet. They always tried their best to hide from us the fact that we were struggling. Though my brother and I knew.
          
          In particular, today I remembered my grandma's noodle and bean soup which she made during really bad days. Bean soup on its own was always the poor/working man's dish as it was cheap and filling. Adding noodles wasn't conventional, but it made the dish more filling.
          
          I often refused to eat it as a kid. Even nowadays, I still wouldn't eat it, I think. Even though I love bean soup by itself.
          
          It must've been disheartening for my grandmother. Cooking the only dish you can and the kids refuse to eat it. It breaks my heart.
          
          I'm gonna finish my plate of beans and go visit their grave.

I'm about to complete volume 2 of Isekai Losers. The material definitely needs a good revision which I'll do once I'm actually done with v2. Also, the two volumes are absolutely massive, over 160k words between the two. I fear the word count is a bit overwhelming and should be split up into more volumes for a smoother reading experience. I might do that.
          
          I don't know how far I'll take this story. To be honest, This is like 10% of what the story actually is and I've been writing it for like 4 years now so IDK if I'll ever finish or if it's good enough for people to read it, so sometimes it feels like a fools errand.
          
          Writing makes me happy, though.

I need a cigarette

bet it will be so funny reading these in a couple years time when im a world renowned person in some field haah

we're so close to the third month of the year and I haven't finished writing something I thought would be done in january 

feeling uninspired about the story ur supposed to write while getting a gazillion ideas about random ass stories gotta be worse than having a regular writers block istg