Hey hi,
I liked your story but I want to make a few points
@ first please describe the characters and make their names a bit catchy.
@ describe the lines, divide the sentences, and mention the places where the scene is taking place, which can help the reader imagine the story while reading.
@ Describe the emotion of the scene and the weight the character is bearing.
@ you can just make a separate chapter and describe the characters or add a short note at the end of the chapter
@ or describe them in between the lines
Hope this might help you
