Prideful_Spirit

Bio is updated, feel free to read it if ya want also I’ll say this now, Happy Halloween!

Well, first thing I go to do when I log on is to continue writing chapter 2 for a book, but guess what happened? No book. Least it gives me a chance to come up with some better stuff for it

I want Cold War to be out already just so I can play some fucking zombies rn

Fixated lies, torturing the creature within my mind
          Demented skies, forging the flames to utter and deny
          The poisonous brain I have harbored for so long
          Now I know the devilish fiend was truly never wrong
          
          Tear out the meticulous voice, that rains inside your soul
          Arrogant as can be since the day you discovered me
          Poor weakened boy that was left behind with misery
          Despite the heat of the raging flames, they feel so cold
          
          Now I’ve been wasting so much time, trying to find a better light
          It’s shattering, the part of me, I wish to save
          But this worlds so cruel, it’ll use you as fuel
          For the wars that are to come, and now there is no more fun
          Truly you see from the animosity, there is no more love, no more happiness
          I guess this is the lonely road I have begun to lead
          While I hope there is a brighter side I begin to embrace the darkness
          
          Forget the boy you were, forget the man you have become
          Build yourself anew, and find the answer hidden in plain view
          Because I am sure as hell, for I have known the pain
          Have seen the light, embraced it all, yeah I am you
          
          Carry on the will to live, don’t let the angel rush you up the stairway
          Negligent, I’m tired of it, the demon is my only friend
          Why do I view it all in a twisted world? So full of hate so full of shame
          I’m lost inside my own hell
          Oh, yeah I’m lost inside my own hell
          
          Break the static, that surrounds your fragile heart
          Kill me, the enemy, the one who feeds
          On your insecurities, the ever growing animosity
          Cause boy if you don’t you will surely die, and I know you want to see a brighter light
          
          Fixated lies, torturing the creature within my mind
          Demented skies, forging the flames to utter and deny
          The poisonous brain I have harbored for so long
          Now I know the devilish fiend was truly never wrong
          
          No, he was never truly wrong

Created August 21st, 2020 10:05 PM
          
          
          In The Dead Of The Night
          
          Just like, a carousel, these never ending thoughts won’t go away
          It’s like a bitter big bang emerged from the depths of my own mind
          No option to cease it’s entangling webs even to this day
          So cheers, to a sorrowful, melody once again so don’t bother to find
          
          These echos resound inside the bottomless hole inside my soul
          I have tried so hard to not get so in touch with my emotions
          But these bastards won’t let me, the ones I wish to never feel
          It’s so god damn hard to breathe even if I’m not choking
          This animosity grows ever more, it’s so repulsive
          So what’s the fucking point if none of this is even working?
          
          Try to break down the hardening cement of despair
          But know that it will be hard to rebuild this disaster
          
          Go ahead and hate me cause you think I’m keeping myself in this place
          Locked inside a padded room, inside a suffocating cage
          Cause I can’t take much more of this just leave me out to rot away
          Cause I can’t seem to myself inside this planetary space
          
          Now it’s come to this, writing down the demons within my head
          Stuck in a bind, trying to find words that could explain
          Even if just for a moment, I sometimes wish I could be dead
          These voices I grew to call my “friends” watch the crimson flow from my veins
          
          Why is it so hard to tell you what is wrong with me?
          I can’t tell you even if you ask me
          Dear brothers, dear sisters, dear mother, and dear father
          I’m just a fucking mess inside
          No way to fix the damage that is clear to see
          So just hold me tight in the dead of the night

Created August 16th, 2020 3:35 PM
          
          
          Torment
          
          Venomous retaliation to those with judgmental eyes
          Heinous act of a fool once driven by his blinding rage
          Beckoning instinct to end the one that fell into thee abyss
          Cauterize the wound left within his heart to a numbing faze
          
          Temptations of a voice so comforting, telling me to join them in the afterlife
          Fidgeting sensation illuminating the dim grave you placed me in
          Writing critical thoughts onto a digital tombstone for a shameless life
          Hating every void growing within me as I try to dissipate them
          
          Now don’t you say you would be better off dead you hypocrite
          Cause the ones who will miss you the most will truly be hurt
          Try to fix yourself from becoming what you seek yourself as, a worthless piece of shit
          Get up, live on, for this is your only life you got before you’re in the dirt
          
          Temptations of a voice so comforting, telling me to join them in the afterlife
          Fidgeting sensation illuminating the dim grave you placed me in
          Writing critical thoughts onto a digital tombstone for a shameless life
          Hating every void growing within me as I try to dissipate them
          
          Vague memories try to be the deciding factor in life or death
          Forget the mental decline for there is no subtle wrath
          Bound by the tightening grip of fate into this chaotic shell
          With a mind so unstable, a point of near death living in such a hell

Fragile minds can only think positive for so long
          Delicate hearts can only beat till their time has come
          And I’m still here laying awake at night as I
          Think about the mistakes I have made all this time
          
          It’s this sin within myself, the sin that keeps me stuck
          Inside this purgatory, living my life in this never ending story
          Is this what I have sown? Am I the reaper of this fruit?
          I wish I could escape from this vicious cycle
          I wish I could escape from-
          
          Fatal flows within my veins
          The crimson fluid I wish to erase
          Why is it that I want to die?
          Why is it that I want this to be my final night?
          Hopelessly addicted to the pain
          Shamefully comforted by the rain
          I’m so calm inside this solace
          Inside a world that seems so flawless
          
          It’s this sin within myself, the sin that keeps me stuck
          Inside this purgatory, living my life in this never ending story
          Is this what I have sown? Am I the reaper of this fruit?
          I wish I could escape from this vicious cycle
          I wish I could escape from-
          
          The endless hell I seem to be living
          The cycle of tormenting rage

I guess I kinda just disappeared off the face of the earth like around 2 months ago? Or less than a month ago? I don’t remember, but shit, I got some pretty bad luck on my side right now. Got let off from my work two weeks ago, and when I filed for unemployment, I’m not getting as much $ as I though I would. Only getting $77 cause they are only counting the last two months of last year, so November & December. I only worked 6 months and had to work a full year with the company in order to be getting $150-300 every two weeks for my unemployment checks. Wish me luck on finding another job soon everyone. And stay safe during the pandemic still and during the protests for BLM. 

:0

Fucking A! I’m glad it’s finally the weekend! Anyone got MW and is playing it, wish you luck on maxing out your weapons and getting gold, platinum, and Damascus.