PrincessWriter123

Would any of you be interested in a book of my (mostly digital/vector) art?

Guess who had a really big medical scare? Lol

"Crush Culture" by Conan Gray is a big Valentine's day mood, and all'a'y'all can fight me on this, okay.
          (In other news, happy Valentine's day to people who actually care about the holiday, haha.)

tap
          tap tap
          tap tap tap
          taptaptaptap
          taptaptaptaptaptapta-
          do you know what it's like
          to breathe in
          breathe out
          drink the stars and
          shatter time on breathless laughs
          tumbling around in
          a room far to quiet
          too cold to exist in?
          i'm p-p-p-p-p-panicking
          and my blood is freezing
          until we play dress up
          in medusa's garden and
          my throat is closing in and-
          have you ever heard
          the sound of a dying universe
          like one final scream
          until you scream yourself
          too raw to speak,
          too close to ending it all
          but the ragged gasps
          that taste like
          cotton candy ecstasy
          and sound like shattering
          marbles made of silver glass?
          we're ch-ch-ch-ch-choking
          on possibility and fuck
          i'm running out of thoughts
          the walls are closing in
          and miss mania greets
          me like an old lover,
          and not just death's whore.
          
          ~ 1.27.2019 // i'm feeling manic for the first time in a long while

A list of odd quotes and conversations from my second block bio class today:
          - "I know I have nice calves, but leave me out of this."
          - "Your leg has now been kniffed." (pronounced nif-fed, like the German word for knife)
          - "Sometimes you just gotta wack a man... so he can breathe."
          - "Yeah, he stabs me with pencils all the time. I was bleeding, see."
            "Sounds like a mutation.
          - "There's that Asian dude who always subs for Frau Gebert and --"
            "Oh, that fucking dude."
          - "You don't push my hand, you twist my wrist."
          - "My thumb likes men."
          - "Punching you with love."
            "No, punch me with hate."
            "That's a little kinky."
          - "Homeosexual."
          - "There's three types of mutations."
            "I am a mutation."
          - "We all have mutations."
            "I know, have you seen my face?"
          - "You can't drink when you're pregnant, Bannon."
          - "I'll drink crack and alcohol if I want to."
            "You can't drink crack."
            "I'LL DRINK CRACK AND ALCOHOL."
          - "I was born at an incredibly young age."
          - "Everyone of us has the genes coded for cancer. Are we all going to get cancer?"
            *the entire class, unanimous, at the same time* "Yes."

Went to a twenty one pilots concert last night. It was awesome by now both my arms, legs, and voice don't work haha. Worth it though

I'm really concerned, so I just really wanted to get this out there.
          On Tuesday my school had a lock down drill. We were told ahead of time, because it might have happened in 1st period, and my first period is a portable class. Which isn't deemed safe enough. Long story short, in the event of a lock down we're supposed to run off of school grounds and get help.
          Anyways. The signal starts and my teacher starts yelling "Out the back door, out the back door! Run to the Seminary building, they'll let you in!" So we ran. And for over 45 minutes, we sat in the gym of the Seminary building with all the other Seminary/portable class kids. In the back, I was part of a cuddle pile with a couple of close friends and a few other queer kids.
          For over 45 goddamn minutes, at least three teachers where nearly yelling because a lot of kids wouldn't really settle down and shut up. And when the teachers asked what we would do if it was a real lock down, if there really was a shoot? Well, the general consensus of my friends was "Well, I want to die anyways." We've had well, well over two hundred shootings this year.
          And you know what? I'm pissed. Not about the shootings, because yeah, they're sad. But I'm pissed because it doesn't even feel real. Because we're so desensitized to this kind of stuff.
          Stop calling out Gen Z for whatever the fuck people do these days. We're all depressed and anxious and tired and desensitized beyond recognition, a good percent are queer, and I'm pissed off.
          Sorry, just had to get this off my chest, :/

it starts like this:
          i have a conversation with a friend
          because it's late and i feel like shit,
          i have a conversation and she says,
          "something something our generation is fucked."
          she's not wrong, but i don't tell her that, i tell her:
          i don't want to talk about our generation,
          i want to talk about how i begged the
          counselor not to call my dad.
          i don't want to talk about our generation,
          i want to talk about how i was raised
          knowing my older sister cut herself
          and i thought it was normal. i want
          to talk about how my step-mother
          emotionally abuses my little sister,
          how my father out right denies
          there is anything wrong with me. i want
          to talk about the panic attack i had
          because a balloon popped,
          i want to talk about how my sister
          didn't get the right help until she moved out,
          i want to talk about how all i know how to do
          is lie because if i'm not lying then
          i'm being honest and people don't like honest.
          people don't like to hear about how i
          scratch and pick my skin open so i
          can feel like i'm still alive.
          people don't want to talk about how
          the only two emotions i ever understand
          are angry and something worse than sadness.
          people don't want to talk about how much I want
          to never wake up, about how hard it is
          to step out of bed, about how i haven't
          fucking cried in years because i don't know
          if i can anymore. i don't want to talk about
          how our generation's fucked up,
          i want fucking die and never look back.
          i want to talk about how i can't do that, because
          i don't even have the motivation to eat.
          or sleep.
          or anything anymore.
          it isn't generational, it's genetical.
          it isn't about the world shitting on people,
          it's about me not wanting to exist
          for one goddamn minute.
          i don't want to talk anymore.
          
          ~ 11.05.2018 // i'm fucked up, but what else do you expect

I straight up forgot to sleep tonight because I got caught up writing a short story (for class). I mean, I could still go to sleep, but at this point what's the use if I'm just going to get less than two hours of sleep, lmao.
          On the other hand, would anyone be interested in reading that short story?

I'd like to think myself a sensible person. The fact that I've now asked "Question: do I try and get a couple of hours of sleep before school tomorrow, or do I down some ibuprofen now and chug an energy drink before class?" does not agree. The answer is:  "Eh, I don't need sleep, so painkillers and monsters it is" because I'm an idiot.