pulp

i obsess over the tiniest compliments you give me,  or the slight tone changes.  i read into these and find myself getting hyper fixated on you.  it doesnt make sense to me.  why do i do this to myself?

every time i start getting better things get harder.  i just want a break 

my favorite songs havent been making me happy anymore.  my favorite person isnt around as often.  i cant talk to my parents or close friends because it only ever caused more issues.  all i can do is stare at my ceiling and cry.  i just want someone here.  i want to be able to talk to someone and express how im actually feelings.  im tired of going places and meeting new people.  im tired of wasting my time doing things that "will make me happy" because nothing is fucking working.  i hate drawing. i hate reading. i hate going on walks. i hate going to stores. i hate it all so much.  its so agitating.

i dont want to be here anymore 

i cant believe i let you in.  you were my best friend.  now i cant even look at you without wanting to cry.

i just want to be prioritized

when i said i love you,, you were supposed to say it back.  not change the conversation.  whats so different from yesterday? is it possible to lose feelings that fast?

is it that fucking bad for me to express my views? like im sorry did i offend you by saying romanticizing abuse,, rape,, etc is disgusting and inhumane? never did i say that YOU enjoy it. so stop being so pissy about shit that wasnt ever said.

i realize that i cant compete with them.  they'll always get you first.

im the second option again