Pulchritudinous Pyre 7

Hello guys!
          
          Long time, not see. I wanted to take a moment to be honest with you guys about why I've been on hiatus for so long. 
          Once my job & home situation wasn't as dire, I tried to turn my attention to trying to get help for my mental state because I am absolutely the most miserable I've ever been.
          However, my body decided I wasn't doing enough for it either & I had a "hypertensive episode"  & my BP jumped to 189/156 so I was taken to the hospital. 
          There, they told me I had to get my health under control but with no PCP or insurance, I was fucked. Thankfully, the people helping me with my mental health helped me find a place where I could go to the dr. So now, at least, my physical health is on the right path.
          My mental health, though, not so much. 
          That's what I've been struggling with the most. I have sat for hours & couldn't write a single thing that was good or in par with the story I wanted to write, IF I even managed to write at all. 
          Another very bad issue I've realized is that I can't write any HAPPY stories. I want "Lover Boy" to end happy, but the shit I wrote wasn't heading that way. 
          I cannot seem to, no matter how hard I try, picture what happiness is right now. It's even harder to try to put that, what I can't even imagine, into words... 
          I hate that I feel this way. It is quite literally the reason why I am seeking help & as much as I can get, right now. I miss being able to just WRITE & just have my mind flowing with words that are bright, explanatory & beautiful. 
          I miss that & I just want to get back to that or at least get close enough where I can write again... Right now, I'm seeing a therapist twice a week, taking medication regularly but because I have a lot going on, they're changing my medications almost every 2 weeks to a month. Hopefully we find something that helps me soon...
          I'm trying guys. I will try to update you all as soon as I can. 
          Thank you for being patient. 
          I appreciate you all!
          BORAHAE

Holiday greetings!
          
          Things haven't been great but they have calmed down a little bit. 
          
          I have written a few short stories & have a few chapters for Lover Boy, which I'm hoping to start updating after the holidays are over & I'm back down to normal working hours. 
          
          I just quit my second job for health reasons, so I'm hoping to be able to get some rest & be able to be content. 
          
          Things have been hard but thank you guys for being patient. 

hi are you going to finish lover boy story?

@Borahae7Souls **I'm trying. 

@pinkbloomingtree Thank you.  I appreciate your support! My move itself went well, and I'm currently trying to juggle a longer drive with less sleep than my insomnia normally allows. Lol But in trying . 

Hello...
          
          Apologies for being MIA for so long. 
          I've been through hell, been sick as fuck & in just a ridiculous amount of pain, both physically, mentally & emotionally. 
          Next week will be the 3rd time I'm moving since being back here in TX. This move, so far, seems to be more in my favor, at least money wise. Where I'm currently living, I've been getting sick due to some contamination in the water, as well as not having money for food, gas for work or other items.
          I've spent most of my time off laying in bed crying from once thing or another, whether it be work or just me feeling pain physically, mentally or emotionally. 
          I hope once I get settled in, things will be calm for me & I'll be able to shift a bit of this heaviness that's been weighing on my shoulders & hopefully my mental state will improve. (My depression has me feeling so wilted...)
          I won't put a time as to when I'll get back to uploading. I've got so many ideas & I've been trying to write when I can but I usually end up unable to concentrate because my mind refuses to focus on the task at hand or I end up feeling too tired or end up passing out while trying to write. 
          I really need this move to work out...
          
          Thank you to those who've stuck with me. 
          I'll do my best!!!

I just wanted to update you guys & let you know it may be a bit longer before I can update. 
          
          Things arent going well & I'm not fairing any better. 
          
          Despite how I seem, I'm not okay. 
          
          I am no where near being even in the near vicinity of being okay. 
          
          I am in the deepspace of not being okay.
          
          Everyday I struggle to hold myself together & everyday I fail.
          
          I am only still doing what little I am doing because I have something to take care of that doesn't judge me & doesn't make me feel like shit when I don't or can't make that 100% effort & even comforts me when I break down. 
          
          Yeah, it's a stupid cat, but it's my BABY & the only thing that's held me together past couple of years.
          
          I have been struggling for so long, I don't remember a time when I wasn't. I don't remember a time when I was genuinely happy or felt excited for anything. Things that used to bring comfort to me when I struggled, no longer do, I have no desire to go anywhere or do anything, I will literally just go a few days without eating because I just dont have the desire to eat & every time I wake up from what little sleep I can get, my only thought is why. 
          
          I am broken in more ways than I thought possible.
          
          I wonder if people actually knew how long I've been standing on that ledge, just waiting for the wind the shift just right to help me fall off, what would they say this time? 
          
          Knowing how people are, probably the same things they've been saying, since you have to care about someone to care about whether they're gonna stick around or not.
          
          I'm needing to find a place to stay soon & having only been working at this new place for a month, I can't afford anything & people who said they'd help me, arent. 
          
          I'm doing what I can, I promise. 
          I'm sorry for being so disappointing. 
          
          I don't wanna give this up... 
          
          Please wait for me. 
          
          Thank you. 

Greetings & salvation.
          
          I hope you all had a good holiday season. 
          
          I will be posting again within the next few months. 
          
          I've just been through a lot & couldn't do anything about my situation. I was sick for a while & homeless for a until recently.
          
          I am back in Texas now & have started a job & I'm trying to catch up on months of behind bills. 
          
          I'm hoping things look up soon but I don't have expectations that it will considering how my life has been the past year. 
          
          I'm sorry to those who thought I'd abandoned my stories. 
          
          I did not. I was just unable to write or post. 
          
          I'm going to wrap up Lover Boy soon & post more of the dark stories. 
          
          I'm struggling to pick another story to start after Lover Boy. 
          
          I may do a few short stories. I'll have to see how things end up. 
          
          I thank you all for your continued patience. 
          
          BORAHAE

Heyy, you haven’t been active for a while here. Just checking and hoping everything’s good!!

Hoping all is well with you @borahae7souls