Hey.
Are you okay?
I'm worried about you after what you told in your book.
Its just, I had those feelings before and i've only ever scratched myself.
If you are being bullied, have you tried the crisis text line or talking about it to some one, even online.
For me it helped.
Just remember that even if you feel lonely or suicidal. Like you want to leave everything behind. Remember it WILL effect someone relative wise or friends. People only regret once it's too late.
Just, stay safe. But don't force anything on youself.