The Five Principles of Effective Communication
1. _Wear your heart on your sleeve._ Effective communication requires being genuine and completely honest about your feelings. Be emotionally grave!
2. _Focus on your needs._ The idea is to get your needs across. When expressing your needs, we are always referring to needs that take your partner's well-being into consideration as well. When expressing your needs, it's helpful to use verbs such as _need, feel, and want_ , which focus on what you are trying to accomplish and not on your partner's shortcomings.
3. _Be specific._ If you speak in general terms, your partner may not understand exactly what you really need, which may lower his or her chances of getting it right. State precisely what is bothering you.
4. _Don't blame._ Never make your partner feel selfish, incompetent, or inadequate. Effective communication is not about highlighting the other person's shortcomings, and making accusations will quickly lead you away from the point and into a dueling match. Make sure to find a time when you're calm to discuss things. You'll find that attempting to use effective communication when you're on the verge of exploding is a contradiction in terms - you'll most likely sound angry or judgmental.
5. _Be assertive and nonapologetic._ Your relationship needs are valid - period. Though people with different attachment styles may not see our concerns as legitimate, they're essential for your happiness and expressing them authentically is crucial to effective communication.
- From the book _Attached._ by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller