Maybe a little laugh is all I need. Just a little one to set me free. I don't know, because even I don't know me. Shackled to myself, I'm lost. I need to see, I need to scream. I need guidance and love, which is nowhere for me. People try, parents fail. I don't get the huge swirl. My mind seems to be in a frenzy. Maybe that's what they mean when they say it's tough being a teen. My memory fails, tears in my eyes. I can't stand the small little lies. I see clear, I see fogged. I had that my head's so bogged. My brain screams for me, and I just want free. 
When thoughts swirl too thick, and can't feel your heart, what do you do? I'm sick of being me. I think and I think, but there's no hope. I don't feel loved and I don't feel the hope. Though I know it may seem dramatic, to me; my life is tragic. I know too much and yet not enough, always craving to see what others want of me. What if I just... Stopped for a while? Let them see the real me? Right. I forgot. There's no 'me' to be real. 

Sorry if this was a bit intense or if it seemed weird. That's just how I could think to say that's the true me... I like art and reading, books and grades... I strive for the things I can't have. Then again, that's the trouble with being the oldest in a family of six. One parent and five kids. I really can't wait to be free. This account is just for me to type my thoughts and put them out. I'm going to stay as anonymous as I can. I don't know or care to find out what my family will say. I pretend not to care about what people think, but really it hurts impossibly. I hope that I didn't make anyone sad, that's just a small part of me. You're free to be whoever you like, you're welcome to ask for advice. I may or may not know what to do or how to help, but I really will try.