GIVE ME MORE

I just thought that ,I do the right decision for both of us , but like I said I'm really useless right and brainless , anything didn't even came right ,the moment I do it , WHY AM I LIKE THIS ?! WHY AM I ALWAYS DO SOMETHING WRONG , EVERY SINGLE TIME !! IM NOTHING BUT A USELESS PERSON !!!

I'm so sad right now cause , the things is a couple of mouth ago , I kinda confess to him about my feeling for him and it was that time when he just recently break up with my friend (he is my guy friend so we kinda close) ,he said that the feeling is mutual but he is not ready to have a relationship just now so from that on we kinda chatting when we have free time and then today I ask him a question "if your ex ask you to be together again would you accept it?" He answer that he will accept it if their is marriage included so that his ex will not run away from him and they can work it together ,from that on I know that I don't have any chance at all , cause he after all still have a feeling for his ex even after that cruel rejection 
          
          My crush if you are reading this by any chance , I what to say that I'm sorry cause I'm kinda take advantage of you when you just break up , but the fact that you say that you don't want me to hope for your love make me decided to stay away from you for good cause if I'm staying with for ,my feeling will grow into something that I can't avoid , I'm happy enough to watch you with someone better than me like what I did before with your ex , watching from afar hoping that you will look at me the same way , laughing together , eating together ,but sadly that is just my imagination that will not came true , this is a goodbye to you cause i will be gone from your life from now on , you won't see me anymore even if you visited me at work ,tell me that im stupid or what but it's my decision , I would be better doing this everyday without hoping that you will give me your heart to me who is still belong to other people

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Sometime I feel so sad , they don't really understand the feeling of this kind of emotions

When all of them are having conversation with each other ,I will silently sit there cause I know that I'm not suit to be there 

It feel like I'm being ignore , it hurt me so bad ,I just it to end 

That feeling when all of your friends has a successful life ahead them and you be like the one who has no future at all , yeah it was the right choice to release my self from them its better for me to stay away cause why not ? 

Sometime I feel like I made a right decision not to be with my friends , let us just say that I have a couple of anxiety I mean they were all prettier and clever than me ,I'm not fit in there .It feel like I'm not in the right place maybe I should distance myself from them cause it feel like the right choice . Sometime when we were taking some pictures , the only one who is ugly is me its hard to find a perfect pictures with me in it . Its even hurting me when one of them saying that our convocation pictures became ugly because of me .It hurt me , not just my feeling but also my mental .The things is I aknowledge that I'm not the perfect one who has a beautiful face but in our society , beauty became the main reason to success but to me its not fair .They is why I'm always refuse to take some pictures with friends and just let me be by myself while watching them having fun without worry maybe I just wanna be alone