Rainy♡

Well, it's been a long ride. I'm gonna delete wattpad because I'm barely on here anymore. 
          
          
          
          Contact me on Discord,
          
          My user is ☆♡Rainy♡☆ (rainy06490)
          
          
          And you can contact me on Insta,
          
          My user is
          
          rainy_love_storm (♡Rainy♡)
          
          
          You can contact me on Justalk!
          
          
          ID: rainy09
          
          
          
          Goodbye for now<3 it was fun.

Anyone ever make one tiny wording and spelling mistake when they was younger on here and suddenly someone is calling you something you're not.
          
          
          Yeah. That'll forever haunt me- but I explained myself and deleted what I had wrote. 
          
          
          I swear you can't make wording and spelling mistakes because suddenly all hell breaks loose- like damn
          
          
          Sorry.

Something that just kinda irritates me.
          
          
          When people say "DaDDY isSuses doesn't mean liking older men stop romanticizing it" I agree. It shouldn't be romanticized. 
          
          
          But. It does cause you to crave that attention from an older man. And no I don't mean sexual attention. 
          
          
          I mean the attention you didn't get when you was a kid.
          
          Do I find older men hot? Yes. But that's not from my daddy issues. 
          
          
          Do I crave non sexual attention from an older man? Yes.
          
          
          And sadly I've learned that I can't get that. 
          
          
          I have an older man right now who i just want non sexual attention from but he doesn't see me in a non romantic way.
          
          
          
          Daddy issues make you crave attention from an older man.
          
          
          When I say I want an older man.
          
          
          I mean I want the non sexual attention. 
          
          I want just normal non sexual love.
          
          Me finding older men hot isn't from the daddy issues it's simply a preference. 
          
          
          The craving attention from an older man is from daddy issues. 
          
          
          There's a difference between romanticizing daddy issues and simply stating facts.
          
          
          Everyone deals with daddy issues differently. Some may be scared of men. Some may crave the attention from men.
          
          
          Some may deal with both.
          
          It's different. 
          
          
          Romanticizing daddy issues is bragging about wanting to be with an older man in a toxic way.
          If you know what I mean by that then you know.
          
          
          I don't like being attracted to older men and craving their attention. In fact I hate myself for it.
          
          Hell I'm scared of men.
          
          
          I don't like being alone with men.
          
          
          But yet for some reason I crave the attention from an older man.

I hate when my dad tries to be nice.
          
          Like sir you traumatized me most of my life and we're just gonna ignore that?

Bro sometimes My intrusive thoughts aren't even scary or mean.
          
          
          Sometimes they are just plain gross or weird.

I went to Ulta and everyone in there was so beautiful. 
          
          
          
          The lady who did my makeup and hair was so pretty as well.
          
          
          I wanted to compliment her but my selective mutism was keeping my mouth shut :(
          
          
          I felt bad because she said that other people was like "YOU? you are gonna do my makeup?"
          
          
          She was pretty :(

I've found my trigger for my intrusive thoughts. 
          
          
          Serious topics.
          
          
          
          My intrusive thoughts love f*cking with me when there's a Serious topic or conversation going on.
          
          
          Like.
          
          
          Why.

When your intrusive thoughts start deciding to just be a plain monster and make you feel even worse because instead of being aggressive they've started saying unhinged plainly wrong shit at random:

Ah yes remembering the time my intrusive thoughts gaslighted me and manipulated me to Almost go against my beliefs.
          
          
          
          
          The best way to explain my intrusive thoughts is that it's like there's a little angry hateful person in my mind that likes to take control and troll me.
          
          
          
          
          It f*cking sucks-

Me to my brain: can we please stop holding toddler me accountable for being innocent and not understanding wrong and bad things
          
          
          Brain: no
          
          
          Me: please?
          
          
          Brain: No.
          
          
          Me: why??
          
          
          Brain: because 
          
          
          Me: because why?
          
          
          Brain: 
          
          
          Me: ..BECAUSE WHY????
          
          
          Brain:
          
          
          Me: ...