RandompersonnamedAri

Ever since. She died i couldn't believe it. I thought it was a dream. Ever since then, I have always been. The annoying one. The odd one. The one who never has any problems. The one who gets everything in their life. The spoiled one.
          
          It felt like I was looking at someone else moving through my life. I feel trapped. I feel numb. Tired. But, I dont want to be me. I dont like me. I hate myself so much. I hate myself because I can't help others. I dont care about others. I don't feel empathy for them. I don't care about their problems. 
          
          
          And I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate myself so much.
          
          Its numbing, suffocating, and horrible pain.

Colors and dreams things I cant distinguish. I wish I could rip someone's throat out. And hear them yell in pure pain and horror.

I just really hope that all of this isn't a dream. I can tell if its real or not!!!!

I feel my head spinning! I hate my life so much! 

Why cant i just be happy. Why is it so hard to feel anything. Why dont i care about anyone anymore. 

I sometimes wish someone would rip out my ribcage

Just in case this isn't a dream. Im still writing this.
          
          So I cant distinguish what is a dream and what isn't. Im not sure if im actually dreaming or not. Has this happened to any of you guys?

Can the sun never rise again? Im afraid of death and yet i still want to hug it with open arms. I hate how I look, I hate the way I talk, i can barely even look at myself in the mirror.
          
          Who is that?
          
          I tell myself, I want to end it. But forced to keep breathing. I waste people's time.
          
          So why write this?
          
          Im not sure anymore.

Its been a while! I just posted a new book and I hope people enjoy it! 

Hi how are you