Hey, I wrote a death scene and I would like some great criticism on how to make it better! So here is the scene, just pm me or comment on how I could do better I will take all pointers!
Rachel's Death
"you are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me h-happy when skies are grey,"
I choke on my tears as Rachel softly caresses my face.
"K-keep singing"
"You'll never know dear, how much I love you,"
I bite my desperate sobs back as I sing the last verse
"So please...please don't take my sunshine away,"
I pull her limp lifeless body close to mine, quietly sobbing her name.
