Hello! I responded to your message on my page, but in case you didn't see it, I thought I'd post it here. <3
I read through your Leo Valdez X Reader
one shots, and I have to say it's so cute
and well written!
I especially like the complexity of your Y/n
character and her background!
I only have two small suggestions, and by
all means, you do not have to follow them
like the book as is :)
1. Try breaking your text and your
dialogue apart.
By that, I just mear
instead of writing a paragraph, "and then
putting your dialogue here.
Ex)
Try writing your paragraph and
descriptions.
"And then adding dialogue here."
Your dialogue is really funny! And this
way, it won't be lost underneath some
text,
2. Don't be scared to show your
characters inner reactions to things.
I really liked when Tauturaus said, "Hello,
daughter."
But then Y/n didn't have any reaction to it
If that was intentional, then by all means
keep going. But if it wasn't, maybe add a
sentence where Y/n questions what he
just said, denies it, and then uses that as
her force to try and fight him
Otherwise, I REALLY REALLY love your
story. It's the perfect amount of sweet and
tension, and I'm really excited to read any more parts!
Not to mentioned I'm honoured you asked
ME.
Love,
Thesourgummyworm <3