Raynebeau

I'm tired. I'm so done with him. I can't believe I did it again. I let him fool me into his bed again. I'm so fucking dumb. I had him right in front of me and I didn't asked him nothing. I had so many questions but did I bring it up while he was in front of me no. I was blinded by his smile, his eyes, his body. Wanting him to want me any way he wanted. Which was just in his bed. And he wonders why I don't want him to cum in me. 

I want a motherfucking boyfriend. like wat the fuck I just want somebody to make me feel pretty, wanted, needed.

Why oh why oh why I can't get this stupid motherfucker out of my head. He is all that I'm thinking about. He's stupid face and lips is all that I can see. I want him so much but I know it won't be good because I want him and he doesn't want me.

I don't even know why I'm hung up on him. There was  nothing between us but a decent conversation and and lovely goodbye. He's word's play in my mind like an old vintage broken record.... Aright beautiful. I know it was simple but it made me happy. I haven't heard that in a long time really never if he wasn't trying to sleep with me. I hate the fact that I'm always wanting love and attention. I'm such a fucking loser all I think about is love and affection. But what I need to realize no one wants a fat, ugly, crazy girl. I need mental help. I have done so much shit in my life that I know I should give up now because I'm never going to find/have love....

I  can't get him out of my head since I met him and he called me beautiful. 

Ok so I haven't been on here because I'm trying to figure some shit out. I somehow got back into touch with Brandon but over now we both blew it but I know he just blame me. Which is not 100% true maybe 50 but still he was involved with it too. First after we hooked up which wasn't that great but I was kind of still into it because he's a great kisser I love his lips but I kind of done without the rest but back to what I was saying after hooking up he tried to blame me for making up a fake Facebook account. Which I kind of done but still you don't do shit like that don't bring something up like that after we did the do. Like what petty ass bitch do shit like that. I just couldn't so I played it off blew up in his face but lefted out the room and sat in the living room that had nothing to sit on and he apologize to me and told me why he thought it was me. I don't know if I should be faltered or not, he knows me so well. But anywho we made up had a few laughs, played around and share some kisses. Oh those sweet kisses. I loved them so much that what made me fall for him. But I won't be giving any from him much I so hope so but he's a dick who don't text a girl or pick up her calls after we shared a moment a bitch do. I don't know how to feel about him. I know I shouldn't like him but I do he treats me so bad and blame me for everything but he also just melt my heart. I just wish we would and could talk about everything but it won't happen because his a lying, weird, dirty, user, asshole, bitch. 

Ok so as of lately I been wanting real bad to date or just find someone I can call my "boo thing". For those who ever might see this which I think no one will by the way I could care less boo thing is a person that's likebf/gf but not. So back to what I was saying I'm looking for my very own boo thing. I just want someone I can go on dates, talk to or just kick it with but my mission been nothing but epic fails. I don't know what is going on with me maybe it's the change in the weather or maybe my monthly is about to come on. Yes I said maybe it's because my monthly is about to come on. I always get like this when that nice little blessing is about to make my life even more worse. Needless to say whatever it is thing's are hard out here for a pimp. There's really no good guy's out here. They just want a pushover that will take their shit but still bust it open when they can't find no other girl to fuck. And I'm tired of that. At least if your going to treat me bad give me something to make me want to say with your ass aka giving the dick right. I don't ask for much when it comes to guy's just someone that won't scare my dogs when walking in a room, someone that can be silly with me and lastly can hold a conversation. Why is it so hard for you to talk and not ask questions as if I'm in a interview, talking to my grandparents or a new exchange student. like come hopefully as the days go by I will meet someone. 

Stop over thinking things and getting into your head. Take it easy.  breath. 

I FUCKING HATE MEN!!!!!!! 

I'm lonely and sad I don't know what to do