ReaperOfTheAshes

I hate people who say they're depressed. Don't get me wrong. I want to help them, but some of them just complain. They don't do anything. They keep going on and on about how they're all alone and no one can help them. That's just a stupid excuse! If you're alone and no one understands, how do you explain the millions of people who are saying the same thing!? Okay. I get they aren't going through the exact same thing, but instead of sitting around doing nothing, go talk to them.

People hate me when I have ideas. Why? I’m just like them, but they don’t want that. Their ideas are the ones that matter, so everyone should just agree. I don’t get why my ideas don’t matter. I have just as much of a right to be heard as they do, but I’m polite. I hate offering ideas in public, and people think I’m annoying for that. It’s like the world doesn’t want me to fit in. When I try to be proactive and push for my ideas, people just see me as bossy and keep ignoring me. Am I doing something wrong? Or am I just destined to be ignored and not matter? Is that the role fate has given me? Do I really need to resign myself to that destiny?
          
          They ask me for my opinion when I have nothing to offer, and when I do have something, nobody wants to listen. Do I have bad timing? Is that all? Or is it something else? I hate having all of these questions. But whenever I’m alone, they keep swirling through my mind. I want help, but I don’t know how to ask for it. I threatened to kill myself, but my parents didn’t try to help me. They didn’t ask why. They just told me never to say something like that again, or they’d send me to a mental hospital. Can’t anyone see that I’m suffering. How do you ask for help in these situations? I don’t feel close enough to anyone to ask them, so what do I do? I feel like I’m alone. 
          
          I’ve tried asking several of the questions that threaten to drive me mad, but no one can answer them. Should I just disappear? Is that the answer? Would anyone care? Would anyone notice..? I doubt it. My existence is halfway between meaningless and pointless. Why am I even typing this? Even if they saw it, would they try to help? Or would they ignore it? I don’t know. Sometimes, I wonder if I’m the only one. Is this depression, or a normal moment in life? How many people have these questions seared into their memory? How many people would understand this stupid note? Very few, I think.