HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
I struggled a lot this year, in more ways than one, but I believe the worst of it is over.
I learned a lot of hard lessons, and I faced a lot of harsh truths. Loneliness, pain, and loss can be difficult monsters to overcome. Time can only tell the outcome. In the beginning, it was like a raw wound waiting to bleed at the slightest jab. Then, as time went on and months passed, the loss hardened into a scar.
I learned to cry without shedding tears…
To grieve and still show joy…
I learned how to build a facade of lies…
How to convince myself they were truth…
And now, over 12 months later, I do not know what I forced myself to believe and what is my real thoughts. But I will not worry. I have a lifetime ahead of me to figure this out.
However, even the most important memories fade with time, and I have ones I want to hold on to for eternity, moments that will not come again. (and this is one of the reasons I write stories: to let my dreams, my thoughts, live on in the minds of others after my death) I made a promise to people I have left behind, and I intend to uphold that promise, no matter if it takes years to achieve.
I am wiser than when I started this reckless way back in 2021, yet I am still ignorant of how to control internal demons that still plague me. What will be the outcome of this war?
In a way, the struggle of negative emotions against positive emotions is the one that is repeated over and over: light vs. dark, yin vs. yang, etc. I wonder, would I be better off without emotions, without the negative and positive parts of me?
No. That is what makes me human. The future can be shaped by my decisions, not my internal wars.
Lots of love to everyone and especially to those close to me or those who are going thru hard times!! Don't worry
