Rip

I miss her
          A lot
          I usually don't think about her
          We broke up on good terms
          And then I was blocked and that was that
          I stopped going to church, so I never saw her
          But I guess there's just something special about your first REAL relationship
          She was my first kiss
          The first person I held hands with 
          The first person whose hugs gave me butterflies
          I still remember the scent of her perfume
          I'm not in love with her anymore
          I think I just miss how easy it was to love her
          No fighting
          We were pretty much just best friends 
          Best friends who kissed and held hands
          Best friends who got separated constantly in church
          Just for being near each other
          I know she has definitely moved on from me, so I don't wanna text her, in case she wants nothing to do with me
          But I really do miss her
          A whole lot

For her:
          
          You are not hard to love
          It is so easy to love you
          When I look at you, 
          All I can feel is love
          
          Whoever made you think
          Loving you was hard?

Oh, I don't wanna see me
          I wanna be trapped in you
          Oh, I don't wanna be me
          But I'm gonna pretend for you 

When your mom says that you're not neurodivergent cuz you can make eye contact but you literally have to force yourself to make eye contact with people so you don't get yelled at for being "disrespectful"

It feels like my whole world is falling apart and I'm not appreciating it

"There's no escape, the only hope is the sweet relief of death"

I'm running off of ibuprofen and sheer willpower 

I don't need help, I need options.

I should not feel bad for putting my feelings first.

I'm gonna die alone. He's gonna die and she's gonna leave and I'm gonna be all alone. I only have them. And they're both gonna be gone.