Hey my little fishies!
You all deserve an apology. I’m aware I haven’t written anything in a while. Nothing consistently for even longer. I want you all to know that I’m sorry, and I do have a reason.
Just over a year ago, I finally escaped after a year of being trapped in an abusive relationship. I tried to break up with the guy multiple times, but he (or others) always got me to take him back. I only got into a relationship with him in the first place as my friends told me I liked him, and even though I’d known for years that I am a lesbian, I assumed I was just wrong, as I have a hard time recognising my emotions. This guy then stalked me even after we’d broken up, and when I gathered the courage to tell my school many months later, they blamed me and banned me from clubs I enjoyed. This was because he’s an incredible liar and manipulator, and somehow, despite screenshots of some of his messages, including death threats, he spun it around to make it look as though I was insane with a crazy imagination.
I am telling you this because it was straight after the breakup that I made this account. It became a way to half-process, half-suppress the emotions I was feeling and didn’t know how to process.
In February, I got into a relationship with a girl once I thought I was over him. This relationship was brief, but ended on good terms, with us ending up as friends. It was around this time that I stopped writing so much, not because of this relationship, but because being in it forced me to connect some more dots about it all in my own head.
Ever since, my ex bf and the relationship have been stuck in my head. I have flashbacks, particularly when I try to write. I’m trying my best to power through them, and sometimes I do succeed, but not nearly as often as I would like.
Ultimately, all of this has made updating very difficult, despite me trying my best.
I’m sorry, my lovelies xx
