So I read your book. It's catchy. Ngl. But there's room for improvement. For starters, it's a bit hard to know who's talking so maybe you could try starting a new paragraph for each quotation made by a person. Then try describing things too—characters, places, actions, events—the more your description, the better people would be able to perceive your intention. It'll also help to better understand the character and help readers' imagination.
I do like the fact that you're dynamic with characters. So that's a thumbs up for U . I guess that's all I've got to say. But it's a great thing you've got going here.
