Juliana Martinez

Now i gotta think of good stuff to write without seeming cringey

HAGH- i was so corny. time to reset everything

@choccotaku, credit to my bestfriend for showing me this book. And credit to @jasthefemi, the author of this book. A queen has spoken, ifs up to you to listen and comprehend what she speaks.
          https://www.wattpad.com/story/123894739

Life is a maze. There can be many exits and dead-ends. But only one entrance. You will go down the wrong paths most of the time. But eventually you will memorize the correct passways. And maybe many others. You form a routine of when you start, take breaks, and finish. But the destination can and will change no matter how hard you try to perfect the passways to your dream. You can't always expect things to happen the way you plan then to. You can be so dedicated to one dream that midway through the journey, your dreams of the future change. Pray for the best and prepare for the worst. Things may never last, so enjoy it while you can. Never put your power over respect. Remer that you were one to take people shit before you built yourself up to who you are now. Those you disrespect can easily overcome you and your progess in life just because you tempted them from your disrespect and cruelty. Give credit when its due, no matter who the person is. And live life for those generations to come. Insure they will have a future and happiness. 

Yall I'm scared and sad.....I FINISHED ON MY BLOCK, I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS, GOTHAM, AND I AM NOW WATCHING KISSING BOOTH 2 BUT I STOPPED BECAUSE SHIT WAS GETTING AWKWARD ASF, AND MOW I STARTED VAMPIRE DIARIES BECAUSE EVRYONE IS ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT IT AND THEN I STOPPED TO BECAUSE OF THE AWKWARDNESS, MIND YOU I JUST STARTED THE SHITS! WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO WATCH NOW?!?!?!?!?‍♀️

hi juliana!! <3
          
          I would love and appreciate if you'd be willing to check out my novel, The Chemistry Test!  It's a fun, romantic read, and your feedback and support would mean so much! I'd also be more than happy to check out any of your works as well! I hope you're doing well, staying safe, and that you enjoy the story!
          
          Have a wonderful day!
          
          Ari xx
          
          https://www.wattpad.com/story/23406801-the-chemistry-test

I realized that us humans are scared of indescribable things. We label things to identify them. So when something we cant label shows up, such as a person, we bully them and call them all sorts of things. We are scared of aliens, ghosts, and things of such because we dont know anything about the. Therefore, we cant stop and/or control them. We like to have everything in our reach and control. That's why most ignore or idolize those indescribable things. Most ignore or are scared of, and others are idolizing those indescribable things. I preferably, idolize those indescribable things. Not only because they go against most(s) standards, but because they dont have a description. I would rather not know everything than know everything. Once you know anything, everything changes. How you act when around those things, you go from concerned to unbothered. How you view them, you go from curious to "normal". The curiosity is viewed as something that will end up bad for those who let curiosity take over. But when you think about it, most things wouldn't have come unless the curiosity overpowered our fearfulness. But not everything can be answer or figured out. And most are okay with that.

Red roses to me represnt love and passion. Most believe that pink represents those I listed above. Pink to me, is a very feminine color. Most think of red as a very dark and gory color. The reason I say red roses are very loving is because your heart can be as soft and breakable as the petals of the rose. Red, like I stayed before, represents love and passion. You can be broken so many times, that it becomes numb, but you always pop back in place. It may take time, but it can and mostly will happen. Much like the stem, it is the only thing that is hard and can hold you down. There is always a little piece of you left, no matter how hard you fall. There is always a voice in your mind that you may think is gone because of you constantly shutting it out, but it will forever be there. 

The word antisocial is used a lot. Many use the term to describe me. Growing up, I had many friends. But friends can only last for so long. You have the fakes, the try to get through and later on forget you, the ones you hold dearly and keep in the future, the just for the moment, the behind closed doors, the opposites, etc. I never really pay mind to them. Mostly because, I dont have the patience or will to watch them drift off. Most of the time, they may drift off because of me. People think it isnt healthy for us to be in our own comfort place most of the time. But most therapists say to be comfortable. Why must we be judged because we are not like others. Why cant we just stay in our rooms, hiding from those around us. The more people you know and give your heart to, the more chances you have of being heart broken when something happens because you trusted them, no matter how long you known them. I am fine by myself. I, unlike most, dont feel the need to have someone to talk to. I talk to myself. Like Billie Eilish said, Only you know the way that I break. If i stay by myself, I cant be hurt by others. I have fears. I have pet peeves. I have insecurities. By myself, I can avoid them. I like to be comfortable by myself. The way I am is because of doing the uncomfortable things. So why make myself more unlike myself by continuing.

You know, when you hustle and lie your whole life, you dont have a choise but to continue no matter the case. You get so used to it that it because a natural instinct. Even when you get in a better place in your life, your past will haunt you. Hell, look at me for an example. I can go from angry to laughing in 0.2 seconds. I mostly feel nothing. I am numb. You can throw all the shit you want at me, kicks, punches, slaps, things, and I barely feel pain. And even if I do, it only lasts 2 seconds and I go back to laughing. The only thing that can make me feel anything related to sadness, is hearing something from those I hold close to my heart. It doesnt even have to be something that is hurtful. I wear my heart on my sleeve, for those to take. I may love easily, but I will ignore it anytime that person does something. I hold grudges because I have been hurt to much. Only about two people know of my past, and I intend to keep it that way. I dont need nor want pity. I don't want to be ensured. I've went through things without those things most cherish and would kill for, so why would I need it now. It's gotten to a point where i dont think of a future. I don't have suicidal thoughts, but I just cant imagine one. I dont have a dream nor a passion. Hell, I cant even think. My mind is enclosed with some sort of fog/mist that blocks me from thinking. My mind is always empty. And it will stay that way. I dont wish to be happy. Wishes to me are something that you put your mind to focus on, just to get through something. I used to wish. But those things never happened. I am fine with the way I am.