I wouldn't mind reviewing this for both grammar and story. The only difficulty is that watt pad is quite a poor media to do so in. If you have a google drive account with this story on it, that would be ideal, as you could send me a link and enable comments.
As it is, I can tell that there is a lot of meat left on the bone of this plot, and that it could become a really neat story. Most of your problems are going to come from syntax, tone and grammar. Many of your grammar problems are things that would otherwise be caught by a competent spell-check in a word processor, so I'm less concerned with those and more concerned instead with helping you craft sentences that can create the atmosphere that you desire. Short, staccato sentences for action and long, meandering sentences for suspense and depth. There are various other techniques employed by writers to help sell their story's tone, such as word complexity, punctuation for emphasis and the placement of dialogue or other paragraph breaks to disturb walls of text and turn them into more manageable chunks, among other techniques.
The other thing which I'm struggling with, concerning your story, is the characterization: there really isn't any. You've thrown two characters at me with no real lead-up and then one is killed off in a scene which is supposed to drive the plot for the main character who is also the narrator. I feel relatively unattached to the characters, at the moment. I don't particularly care that Violet has been killed, as I've only known her for about a minute and a half worth of reading. This also concerns the tone, as characterization is not just about the people in the story, but also the setting: the time, the place, the things in their surroundings. While it is acceptable to omit some potentially lengthy descriptions for action scenes, they can be used to great effect to paint the picture of the setting and allow the reader to visualize the story.
