Good evening everyone holy how do i still have a following i havent posted anything since 2023 or 4 LMAO anywayss a little status update on me: ive moved this year and started a new schooll. Im doing good academically. Ive got a 118 in math so i guess thats good. I don't have very many friends anymore so I spend most of my day alone. I mean obviously not ALONE alone but surrounded by unfamiliar faces. I eat lunch in my stepmoms classroom because I don't have anyone else to eat with. I think i intimidate people and I thinks thats why people dont approach me. I think I'm considered a weird kid so people won't talk to me except other "weird" kids. I mean seriously one of my 3 friends is a band kid. I guess mentally I'm doing fine. I'm not as suicidal so that's good i guess. I haven't self harmed in a few months so im doing well in that regard. I feel numb most days. Like im going through a mindless routine. Wake up, go to school, be smart, go home, sleep. I guess the only thing I really feel is lonely. I guess going to a new school reminded me that I'm not good at talking to people. I'm also yet to get a counseler to better manage my anxiety so that has been difficult as well. Some days I have breakdowns. I don't know. I don't know how to describe how i feel. Lonely is really all it. I mean, my two real friends are homeschooled. And I have three school friends but I am unsure on whether or not they like me. I think they do but i think that of a lot of people and it turns out otherwise. I wouldnt be suprised if when we stopped having a shared class that we would stop talking. Thats usually how it goes. People leave me when we have nothing shared anymore. I just wish I had a real friend that I can talk to in person and not just over text. Really all I can do is give people my answers and hope they will talk to me afterwards. Im so eager to help and I have no idea why. I think in my subconcious it means I hold power over them. I'm better than them at something.
