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I'm too glam to give a damn ;)

Question: What if bull wasn't shit?

The only reason I'm fat is this tiny body can't hold all this personality

Always keep your head high, but your middle finger higher                                                   

I would tell you to go to hell, but that's where I work, and I definitely don't want to see you everyday

I will slap you so hard even google won't be able to find you

Sometimes I wonder what it's like to be normal. I mean, do those people even have fun?

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude.

I have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. I'm also deaf in one ear.

Having a dirty mind makes conversations much more interesting 

Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.

Another question: Do penguins have knees?

All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.

I love my six pack so much I protect it with a layer of fat

Wise words from me: Never settle with words when you can settle with a flame thrower

That awkward moment when you're wearing nikes and you realize you can't do it

Did you know that the center of a donut is 100% fat free?!

Read all this random nonsense? I think I like you

Don't get pissed off if I don't stay on a book. I start in one book and get another idea and I'm really unorganized

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