I'm an aspiring chef at Wendy’s and I just had my sweet 34! I had a normal childhood, raised by a teen mom and father, and lived under the bridge. I started working young to support my mommy’s NyQuil addiction. I worked at Nike and made aglets. I had to start the first grade late since I worked so I was 11. 
	 I started dating this girl named Joanna Lincoln. She got pregnant four weeks later. Turns out, she was one of those kids that had their periods at a werid age (15 months) and had a hyperactive libido. I was 1 of 5 boys that could be the father. To make a long story short, her uncle is in jail. 
	At 15, I went to Asphalt Secondary School. Then she came along, Mrs. Molly Lincoln, Joanna's mother. She was foxxxy (the triple X for reason). She taught P.E and we got involved. I dropped out and moved with her after my mommy went to jail.
	She was the best lover I ever had. Better than Joanna for sure. She would come home and I'd stand their in my socks, only my socks. I grabbed her back fat, she grabbed my non-existent white boy butt. We took a break after her husband found out. I don’t know how he didn’t for so long. I lived in the attic and wasn't quiet. 
	Afterwards I got involved with some bad guys. The  Friendly Friends. The Regular Flossers. The Reasonable Dudes. The worst would probably be The Sparkly Boy Lovers. They were fierce. Had a monopoly on the black market tupperware trade. I got into drugs like Advil and Pepto Bismal. I got out with the help of a guy called “Proficient Swimmer.” I was 26 when I left. I only had was the clothes on my back and $250,000.
	 I met my wife during one of my GED classes and she told me she thought I was hot. We dated when I was 28 and, she, 19. We got out names tattooed on our butts. We married fifteen days later at The All Saints wedding chapel and drive through. She already had 3 kids (and I got hit in the balls when I was 7 by my uncle that I am sterile) so we didn’t plan on children. . 

That's my life in a nut shell.