@Favvy5 No problem. If you think the Jade Empress story has too many long paragraphs, you can read my other story , The Willow and the White Lotus. By the way, although your story is interesting, it has too much dialogue and no description or details. For example, in Chapter 3, if the chapter is short, you could add more details of what the main character is thinking, or what they are feeling after leaving Zajah. It would provide for more paragraphs.
If you do add more details and descriptions, separate some of them from your dialogue so they become more notable. Take to context Chapter 2, when the main character is arguing with June on the subject of killing. While the conversation drifts to his mother, he wipes one tear, but that is not notable. If you separate that tiny detail from your dialogue, it would become more prominent in the readers' minds. Just a tiny critque.
Enjoy the story, just remember to add periods before your quotation marks and commas when neccessary next time.
