Rub1xx

If you get a bunch of notifications for my oc book I’m not rlly updating it I’m publishing my old chapters so I can finish the book and make a new oc book lolol

Rub1xx

Sorry I haven’t uploaded for ages but is it normal to not feel like a real person? I feel like a literal concept. Like sometimes on my head I’ll address myself as my full name but then I’ll think ‘wait why am I saying this?’ It’s worse in the mornings but like what is happening bro

Rub1xx

I think I need therapy :D uaaaa!
          Explanation (tw trypanophobia again):
          My phobia (trypanophobia) is kinda ruining my life and health… my doctor thinks my breathlessness (it’s lasted more than 5 months, caused from fitness, anxiety, probably more?) is due to anaemia (won’t specify why she thinks this, there’s a second reason and I will not talk about it) and we need a blood test to figure it out… but I’m crying a lot from the thought, so I asked for it to wait since I wasn’t ready. She also put me on iron supplements and I’m nearly done with the pack, maybe it’s because I accidentally missed them two days straight but I’m almost positive they aren’t doing much  I have no other symptoms of anaemia aside from my breathing problems but I guess we won’t know? But I refuse to get a test until I feel ready (when will I be ready? Dunno!) so I think I need therapy for my phobia. Also just my anxiety problems because they getting BADDDD. Oh also also also I think my mental overload is helping my anxiety dominate my life, I don’t have GAD (that I know of? I really would expect to have it though because I have a LOT of the signs and have had them for yearsss), someone help, I wish I was a robot. No pain = no gain but also no pain! :3

Rub1xx

TW TRYPANOPHOBIA!!
          
          Trying to cure your own phobia with exposure therapy videos is so hard omg within one slightly over the top video I started tearing up, twitching, curling into a ball, literally freaking out over nothing and there’s still tears in my eyes and I’m high alert and I want to cry. Guess we’ll never find out what’s wrong with me ‍

Rub1xx

Still trying and there are tears rolling  feel sick now too hashtag I love my life
• Balas

Rub1xx

I don’t think people get how silly I am. One time I complimented a boy for his strength since he helped me. One time I laughed at a boy’s joke. One time I acted dumb for a boy. But I wasn’t trying to romance them. Just make them smile.
          
          Normalise making people smile just for the fun of it.