RussTeed

Clap clap... Clap clap...
          If your lights just went on and off, congratulations. You, your Chia Pet, and your Ove' Glove are absolute nerds!
          

I think lollipops have wrappers so they can't lick each other in the bag.

I called a "self help" club today and asked for their address. "Now that would be appeasement" was their response.

I wish I lived in a world without hypothetical scenarios.

I have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to murdering me, I don't like it.

toG a boj sa a drawkcab retirw rof eht sdooh fo secnalubma. woN on eno srewsna ym stxet?

I sprayed some "Off" mosquito repellant on myself and then had an irresistible urge to frolic into the deep woods.
          

I drew a picture of a thousand words but it didn't seem worth it to me.

my imaginary friend is half my size, I think he's a mental midget.

I bought a little table for next to my bed. I woke up next day and it was gone. It must have been one of those one night stands.