Feel free to ignore my writing; I just need some way to express myself.
I'm a person in need of harmony. There was a lot of yelling and reprimanding in my past. Most of the time, I had to take care of my siblings, as my father was working and my mother was ill. Nevertheless, nothing I did ever seemed right.
Later on, I moved with my partner to another city, putting some distance between my family and me. It helped but brought other problems, like, “Why do you visit so rarely?” I have always been someone who prefers to stay at home rather than be in a larger group.
Right now, I feel stuck. My partner is dealing with many health problems, and I’m helping as much as I can. However, sometimes I’m simply not able to do anything. His reactions don’t feel understanding but more like, “How dare you not help me?” Sometimes he says it’s all right if I can’t help, but his tone is anything but understanding. It’s exhausting trying to meet everyone’s expectations—feeling pressured to visit and call my family more, even though visiting them sometimes helps me breathe, while also being there for my partner.
In the rare moments I have to myself, I’m too tired to do anything that might help me feel better.
I’m sorry, I just needed an outlet.
