An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.
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Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
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Perfect has 7 letters and so does meeeeee. Coincidence? I think not.
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Recommended by 4 out of 5 people that recommend things.
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Exercise, ex..er..cise, ex...ar..cise, eggs are sides, for BACON!
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We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before police.
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Why would I ever leave the house when there's Netflix and ice cream waiting for me.
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Words cannot express my love & passion for Fridays!
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I'm real and I hope some of my followers are too.
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If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.
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Never try to teach a pig to sing- it wastes your time and annoys the pig.
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I'm so poor that I can't pay attention in class.
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I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle... He's dreaming too.
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Never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. By that time, they'll be a mile away and barefoot.
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I prefer my puns intended.
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I'm in desperate need of a 6 month vacation... Twice a year.
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Whenever I have a problem, I just sing, then I realize my voice is worse than my problem.
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I wonder what happens when the doctor's wife eats an apple a day...
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Are you a banker because I'd like you to leave me a loan.
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A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
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When I'm on my death bed, I want my final words to be "I left one million dollars in the...
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My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-Mart.
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I'm not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
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I put the hot in psychotic.
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I was addicted to hokey pokey but I turned myself around.
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I can't remember who I stole my bio from or why.