S-SquishyBonez
2 hours early here but merry christmas
S-SquishyBonez
S-SquishyBonez
this message may be offensive
yuri layout to manifest a happy new yuri (aka 2025 not going to absolute shit FOR ME)
S-SquishyBonez
and maybe i'll find a better therapist next year but like that's not my main priority anymore
i just want a job and income so i can buy merch of my interests and be happy and eventually save up enough to move into an apartment or smth
S-SquishyBonez
2025 = never touching wattpad again EVER and no more discord and finding a job and friends and improving mental health and giving less fucks about other people and doing things for me!!! myself!!!
i! will! be! happy!!!!!!
S-SquishyBonez
literally got sick the day before winter break and it's just been getting worse i hate this season
S-SquishyBonez
i honestly should've just got the flonase because there's no way in hell i'm putting another one of those disgusting cough drops things in my mouth
S-SquishyBonez
it's not strep though i got tested and it was negative
they said it's probably some kind of virus to do with postnasal drip or whatever and that it's common this time of year and gave me nothing for it besides recommending flonase and chloraseptic
S-SquishyBonez
and it's literally just congestion and a sore throat like that's all that's actually bothering me like it doesn't hurt to move or anything else it just feels like strep and allergies
S-SquishyBonez
collect my pages
https://archiveofourown.org/users/lamecatboy
S-SquishyBonez
this message may be offensive
i need to fuck up something using my teeth i need to chew and tear and destroy
S-SquishyBonez
maybe not a single real reason
my blood’s already out of season
so unwanted, even by myself
tell me, what the hell? what the hell?
i don’t like what’s at my core
pray to god to fix my soul
but i don't need god’s forgiveness
i need yours
S-SquishyBonez
winter break in 2 days can't wait to rot for 2 weeks
S-SquishyBonez
okay now i'm actually no longer going to that therapist
S-SquishyBonez
this message may be offensive
"You're so selfish"
yeah maybe you think that because i'm FUCKING AUTISTIC and the only way i can relate to things and empathize and whatever is SHARING MY OWN EXPERIENCES AND FEELINGS
but yeah i'm self-centered and don't care about other's opinions and feelings sure whatever dude
S-SquishyBonez
i want to hit my head against something
i want to inflict some kind of bodily harm that won't leave marks or consequences
my head hurts
i want to tear the hair out of my scalp
i want to do something
but i won't
i'll type
keep my restraint
typing is my only outlet
the void and those passerbys my only audience
i don't leave my shackled chair within it
those who wish to listen come to me
i can't leave my spot
even if i thrashed and struggled
they'd just dig and tear and keep me put
it may sound miserable but it's better this way
for everyone else's sake
an enigma in a danger labelled cage
or something less colorful
whatever suits your tastes
something meant to be viewed from a distance
like that of a corpse flower or the sort
someone out there sees the beauty in them without using them for research
seeing them as some temporary thing in the long run
perhaps the same will happen to me someday
if i can make myself function long enough for such moment
ah...