꧁୧ 𝐒𝐀𝐌୨꧂

friend: “i can’t wait to get home and eat.”
          friend: “i can’t wait to get home and sleep.”
          friend: “i can’t wait to get home and study.”
          me: “i can’t wait to get home.”
          friends: “you’re real”

My url friend has a server on discord, a dude on there has this deep ass voice and she knows him
          He seems like a chill silly guy, can't tell if he's using a voice changer or not or if he's telling his actual age, but we chilling for now, but my guard is up high

ngl, i could honestly care less that i’m losing followers rn

Teacher in training:I have a black lab, his name is Gizmo, and, he WAS supposed to be a hunting and active dog, but now all he does is lay on my couch and eat.”
          Teacher in training: “i forgive him for that.”
          me: *thinking* “i’m sorry, but what the FUCK do you mean you forgive your dog for how it acts when your the one who trains it or doesn’t train it the proper way. The dog knows what you teach it. just because it has an intended purpose but doesn’t follow it cuz u didn’t train it that way, you don’t get the right to say ur dog is in the wrong and yet you forgive the dog???? what the hell????”
          teacher in training: “any questions?”
          me: “why does your dog act how it does?”
          training teacher: “I don’t know.”
          me: *thinking* “yes, you know exactly why.”

a few things about today:
          
          1) went to the dentist, this female that was touching my bones was leaning over my head instead of standing beside me, so i got a tit pressed against my head for most of it. It’s not like i could’ve just stopped her bro, she had a weapon in her hands
          
          2) i might be joining a DND campaign with some dudes
          
          3) Happy birthday, Charlie Kirk.
          
          4) i had this old substitute for my math class, and he looked like he could crumple over and die at any second, i felt bad ngl, the kids in that class are shitty
          
          5) Tripped over this dudes leg cuz he thought it would be cool to roll on the floor towards me while I was running by him

NEW Friend: *reading AO3 on her SCHOOL DEVICE*
          Me: "oh wow, how's that site not blocked?.."
          Friend: "idk, but I'm glad its not, I read it often."
          Me: "what do you most read fanfics of?"
          Friend: "gay sex."
          Me: "oh- well, you have earned my respect for reading that on ur school issued device, plus the brightness all the way up and without carrying who's beside you.&
          Friend: " thank you."
          Me: *thumbs up*
          Friend: "... What do you read on Ao3?"
          Me: *logs in, goes through my history*
          Me: "most of these are books I want to read, I just added them to my history so I can go back and find them."
          Friend: "what's the fanfic u read with the most words in it? I read one with 69-70k words."
          Me: "uhhh" *looks* "I have 2 that I've actually read, one has 102k words, another has 122k, Oh look at that, a 452k word one, 147k, 149k, 186k, 261k...."
          Friend: "you... read big fanfics."
          Me: "yes, because I'm not the hugest fan of One shots, I like full length stories."
          Friend: "wow.."
          Me: "I'm also reading a big book right now, or more like a PDF of a book, its a series and the first book has I think roughly 2k pages in it? Its awesome so far. I've also read one with 830 pages."
          Friend: "buddy, chill."
          Me: "I've.. Also spent 328.33 USD on 23 manga plus tax..."
          Friend: "what the fuck."

Friend 2: “hey, what’s that one island in New York that some immigrants from Europe went to in the late 1800s and early to mid 1900s?”
          me & friend 1: (OVERLAPPING!)
          me: “Ellis Island.”
          Friend 1: “Epstein Island.”
          me: *looks directly at friend 1*
          F2: “That’s a wild ass Island name bro.”
          F1: “wait, what did i say?”
          Me: “The island is called Ellis island, there was never one called Epstein Island, F1.”
          F1: “oh shit, my bad guys that was a misslip of the tongue”
          me: “i really hope that it was”

Friend: "in an advanced class, you have to say ur favourite holiday for the question of the day."
          Me: "awesome, what did you say?"
          "I said christmas, what's ur favourite holiday?"
          "The 4th of July"
          *disgusted baffled look* "NO ones favourite holiday is the 4th of July, sam, stop lying to yourself"
          *Stunned, offended* "What the hell are you trying to tell me? What is the 4th of the July, buddy"
          "Not a holiday that's deserved and worth to be celebrated. Plus the Declaration of Independence was sign August 2nd, 1776, not July 4th"
          "On the document it has July 4th written on it."
          "And? So what? That holiday is pointless."
          "Its the day to honour the dead." 
          "There's a completely different holiday to do that."
          "Yeah, well 4th of July is the day to honour the dead for the people who fought for our country and won us our freedom."
          "Why honour people that you don't even know? Name me ten people? You can't, exactly."
          "You can still honour people without knowing them."
          "You're right, but still its dumb."
          "Its not dumb. People died fighting for the future of this country because they had hope for us. Those people died and left their wives and families behind. They died in war, they died with honour, they died fighting for what was right. They deserve absolutely nothing but respect."
          "..still not a holiday to celebrate."
          "Those people didn't die for anything. If we don't celebrate, it would just seem like we brushed off what they did for us and how vital it was. By celebrating, we're thanking them."
          "..."
          "Don't you again dare ever say something that dumb around me again. Got it?"
          "Yeah."

My horny female friend asks me why I don't take book and game recommendations from her anymore.
          Here's why:
          "You should play or watch a gameplay of Slow Damage! It's a story type game I think you would like it" :D - ends up having NSFW
          "You should read the web comics Dark Fall, Evil Baby, Jinx, Dear Door, Bloody Moon, and Sketch!" - all of them have sex scenes, some are done with consent.
          
          "Did you at least read a little bit of each?" :(
          "I didn't even read a single full chapter of Dark Fall before stopping."
          "Dark Fall has plot tho!"
          "Yeah, maybe later on in the story, but what the fuck, poor main character."
          "How did you feel about Evil Baby?"
          "I read a few chaps of that one, good plot and story idea"
          "Why didn't you read all of it? Its censored anyways and has consent!"
          "Because I don't feel comfortable watching, or seeing pictures/drawings of that stuff."
          "Are you hinting that you read it when its in word form?"
          "On occasion when the story is mainly plot and very little smut. I may also just skip or skim over the moments if there's nothing important or related to the story happening"
          "Party pooper" >:(
          "Horny virgin fuck"
          "Hey, thats not nice, plus youre a virgin too"
          "I'm glad to be a virgin, thank you very much."
          "I hope you get put on birth control soon and have that thing shoved up into your uterus."
          "Nope."

My friends older sister got arrested for breaking and entering/trespassing, and assault
          Ngl, I don't think she should've been bailed out as quickly as she did, cuz at that point they're not even learning a lesson to not do it again. 'fuck around and find out'. It's just making her even more dependent to do stupid shit and be fine with getting caught only to later be freed a day or two later.
          "Commit a crime, and there'll be time." Is what my father says, or something like that.