posting here because I drown myself in reading when reality starts to hit different……☹️❤️
25 tomorrow..... definitely doesn't seem real because I didn't think I'd make it past 22. Physically present but mentally alone between being the first daughter, having no friends for the most part to spend time with or even to have a simple breather or even just praying together and dealing with responsibilities, feels like I haven't had the opportunity to learn myself. i wish i could be thoughtless for a day. every small occurrence or action wouldn't lead to a different outcome. working my anxiety up at the thought that every little thing matters and yet still going paralyzed at the thought that what will be will be so what's the point of everything anyway and just sitting & letting life happen. i wish i could poke a hole in my head and relieve the pressure, maybe release a few thoughts that have been sitting unanswered sometimes i feel trapped in my own brain, it affects everything and im genuinely trying to find the joy in being an overthinker be as smart as I know God didn't give me this brain to haunt me. By 25 l should've had it all somewhat together: the career, car, apartment/house... etc. definitely feels like I haven't accomplished any of that or anything at all. Watching all my peers graduate college and find them selves which I'm extremely proud of made me feel like I had some time to figure it out (definitely did not especially at this big a** age). I should've had it all together by 25 and I always dreamed of becoming so many things that I am today, but the truth is l've felt like l've already let down so many people throughout my life. On the bright side however I hope with this new age I learn to Choose new. Decide otherwise. Shed layers that have muddied my idea of who I think I am. Happy Birthday to Me, I also thank god for making this far but I also pray my mental emotions also heals itself .
