ㅤ

fuck. i miss alan.

i miss you so much, indie.

i love you, indie and i'm sorry for not being able to spend the rest of your days with you. i fucking suck as a best friend and i regret it so much that it took me the longest time to be back. i don't even want to think about you leaving and never being able to speak with you again. i can't lose you, too. i fucking can't.

i'm done. absolutely undeniably done.

i’m blessed for having the privilege to meet you and be one of your closest friends. i love you always, sunshine.

/i/ want to be like you. because i get to see a bird’s point of view of your life and how you’re dealing with everything that has been coming at your way and goddamn. you blow me away with your courageous heart.

thank you for existing. for being alive. for being here. with me. or else i would have been this deranged conflicted complicated insufferable asshole forever. you and i to the end of time. you're my best friend. my number one even when i'm not yours. i love you so fucking much sunny, my stomach hurts.

Indie Solei Vark, angel; it seems like my absence have had you sitting in a corner wondering why I suddenly left. I humbly and sincerely apologize for the lack of explanation—not that I had one anyways. I'm writing you this little note because it has been so long since the last time I did this to you. I am relieved that you are still the same bubbly and lively person I used to know. You have been fighting your battles in such a long time and I promise you that I will fight alongside with you. Your battle scars are witness to the demons you face every day of your life. I am so proud of you, my darling. Your strength is what I have always admired about you. You have always been in my mind and heart ever since I left. I love you so much, baby cakes.