I know it’s not my place to reply as I don’t know you as well as most other people on here, but seriously, this needs to be replied to. If you feel like you’re in danger, you need to call or text someone, and I know that’s hard but please. If you’re actively thinking of harming yourself, you should tell someone. 988, the police, anyone. It seems like you’re in a bad place, and I know telling the authorities sounds scary because you could get in trouble, but I’m begging you to. I don’t want this to get out of hand to you, you’re a great author, a great friend, and you’ve got a great life ahead of you, but if you don’t do anything about this, it might not end well for you.
I’m sorry if you didn’t want anyone to reply, but I felt like I had to say something, because I’m concerned. If you need me to delete this reply, I can. I hope you feel better soon. o7